untitled, part iii

"I am forgettable," Diane declared one day. Amy, who was applying a tube of hot pink lipstick on her lips stopped midway upon hearing the declaration.
"Where, may I know, did that come from?" Amy asked, ever so kindly.
"The little me inside of my head,"
"Well, tell her to shut up," Amy continued with her lipstick-applying job, which could take hours really.
"Seriously, Amy, I think she's right," Diane insisted as she lay sprawled on her own bed, her eyes fixed on the ceiling above. Amy, without putting her lipstick down, walked over to Diane.
"Get up," she ordered.
"No, I won't. My head and shoulder is too heavy,"
"That's the little evil you saying. Come on, get up," Amy tugged on her friend's left hand. Diane groaned and put a pillow on her face.
"Go away, Amy,"
"There must be a reason why you are so upset today. You are acting like a kid," Amy sat next to her, pulling the pillow under her hand.
"Maybe, I want to be a kid. Ever thought about that?" Diane looked straight into Amy's green eyes. Amy blinked once.
"Maybe you should just tell me what this is all about," Amy touched Diane's shoulder. Diane was silent for a while.
"I am forgettable," she said then, repeating what she had said earlier.
"I believe we've gone through that one,"
"No, Amy. I am forgettable. I won't last long in anyone's mind,"
"I'm sorry, but I think I've been friend with you since forever. And forever is such a long time, don't you agree?" Amy replied, a humor in her voice. Diane smiled. It always help to have Amy around.
"You know, a guy once destroyed my self worth completely," Diane said quietly.
"How could that happen?"
"I met him through the Internet, and we sorta clicked. I even shared with him my personal momemnts. So one day we met up. Guess I wasn't the girl he thought I would be. Since that meeting, I never ever heard from him again. Instead, he pushed his friend towards me," Diane let it out in one quick breath. Amy stared at her, astonished.
"That bastard! And you never told me about this? Why?"
"I was humiliated, Ames. I was so embarrassed, I wish I could just go away to an unknown place," Diane looked away as tears rolled down her cheek.
"You should've told me, Di. I am your friend, I won't judge you. Ever,"
"It didn't hurt much, just the humiliation eats away at me, bugging me a lot,"
"Was this when you decided to be a recluse for about six freaking months?" Amy demanded. Diane nodded slowly.
"That is why you refuse to go out with just about anyone," Diane nodded again.
"That is why you keep all your feelings inside," another nod.
"And another betrayal comes along, and you shut yourself completely," nod again. Amy sighed.
"What about this Shane guy?" Amy asked, suddenly.
"He's nice when the time is right. At most times, he just likes to ridicule me. I think he sort of got the kick from it. You know, when I get mad, he'll laugh gleefully and ridicule me more,"
"Creepy,"
"And he forgets me pretty quickly, too. As maddening as he is, I still wait for his calls. And I would think about him and wondered if he ever think about me while all the while I know I am so forgettable. So damn foolish," Diane shook her head.
"You like him!"

untitled, part ii

Diane ran her fingers through her thick black hair as she checked her reflection in the mirror. She frowned at the dark circles under her eyes. In the background, the sound of 'Smooth Criminal' could be heard faintly coming under her baby blue encased pillow.

"Are you not going to answer that?" Diane's sister, Ezra came in and sat cross-legged on her bed. Diane shrugged nonchalantly. She picked up her silver hairbrush and started to brush her shoulder length hair.
"It's him again, isn't it? Why don't you just tell him off?"
"I don't want to have anything to do with him anymore," Diane replied, without looking at her sister.
"Then tell him so. Maybe then he'll stop bothering you,"
"I can't even stand to hear his voice,"
"Text him, then. You are just giving one excuse after another. Do you still have feelings for him?"
"Not in a million years! You know how much I hate him," Diane turned to look at her sister directly in the eye, trying to convince Ezra, as well as herself.
"Then answer his call and say 'Go to hell' to him," Ezra reached for Diane's cellphone under the pillow, which was still belting out the chorus of 'Smooth Criminal' over and over again and handed the phone over to the owner. Diane looked at the screen for a moment or two. She pressed the red button. Michael Jackson went silent. Ezra shook her head.
"Pathetic," and Diane was just about to smack her with the silver hairbrush when she quickly added "Not you, I mean, him!"
"Good to know which side are you on," Diane looked into the mirror again, checking out the ugly dark circles beneath her eyes. She would have to put a ton of concealer to cover up the dark circles, no doubt. I look like a freaking panda! She said to herself.
"Say, Di, can I borrow some money?" Ezra said carefully to her sister's reflection. Diane stilled for full two seconds.
"How much?"
"About 100. If it's okay with you,"
"What do you want to do with the money?"
"I need to buy a pair of shoe. And some other things before I go back to school,"
"Why don't you ask mom?" Ezra made a face at that question.
"Like you don't know how mom is," and Diane sighed. She did know. Who didn't? In this house, anyway.

Diane thought about the money in her account. She thought about her own survival for the next three weeks before payday. She also thought about how hard it is to say 'No' to her sister. Among all her other sisters, Ezra has always been the most helpful and kindest one to her. Ezra would always help her out without second thought. Ezra would lend her money to Diane, that is if she has any, without even asking for what.

"I'll transfer it to your account tomorrow,"
"Thanks, Di! You are the best!" Ezra jumped off the bed and hugged her sister from behind.
"No big deal," Diane replied smilingly.

Yeah, no big deal. So she'll skip her lunch for the next few weeks. No big deal. She could always eat big breakfast before going out for work. No big deal. She has to sacrificed her own needs for just a few weeks. Just for three weeks. It'll pass by in a blink. Yep. No big deal at all.

untitled, part i

"Are you sure you want to do this?"
"Yep. It's not like I have any other choice,"
"Well.. true. But... I don't know, girl, it's time and money wasted,"

"You think I don't know that? It's my future, my money," Diane heaved a deep sigh. The numbers in her bank account is dwindling fast. And she's definitely not getting younger as days go by. Her future is at stake. And everything that is happening to her at this precise moment is of her own doing, her own mistake. Where she is now, she herself made it happen.
"Oh well. Another six months, then you'll get your diploma. Finally you can graduate," Amy smiled, trying to cheer her friend up.
"Hurray," Diane replied solemnly, without any enthusiasm at all.
"Oh, come on! Look at the bright side. You don't have to do anything at all. You just have to sit around until the result comes out. You are guaranteed pass, after all," Amy added brightly. Diane smiled tightly. If only she could share Amy's positivity.
"If my mum ever find out about this, I'm toast," suddenly, the image of her mother with her hands on the hips popped into Diane's mind. She could not help but cringe at the image.
"Oh," Amy responded knowingly. She eyed her friend in pity, as if trying to say 'I'm sorry. Must be suck to be you now.'

Diane sighed again as she looked past the green grass to the two toddlers playing the swing in the playground. Must be great to be kids, she thought. No responsibility, no worries. You don't even need money. And Diane shook her head slowly at that thought. I'm comparing myself to kids! How pathetic is that, Diane? Very. Suddenly, her phone belted out Michael Jackson's 'Smooth Criminal' (in her defense, she said the tune is catchy and no one use the same ringtone as she is). Diane took one look at the screen and muttered a curse. Amy looked at her, wide eyed with interest.

"Who is it?"