Tuesday, August 08, 2006

why can't i say 'no' !?

Yep... I have difficulty in saying the word 'NO'. A word so simple and yet, I couldn't bring myself to utter it. And my favourite word is 'OK'. What in the world is wrong with me!? I hate it when people bully me around, telling me to do this and that... but yet, I can't say NO. How hard is it really to say the word? Am I demented or something? It is suppose to be simple. It is suppose to be easy. I should know how to say NO. But, no. I don't know how to say it. Stupid me.

When I was in primary school (around 11, I think), a teacher said that I am a "budak baik" (nice kid). I still remember the teacher. En. Borhan a.k.a Cikgu Bob. It was flattering. A few years back a lady teacher said to me the exact word En. Borhan used. Then, in secondary school, I was again labelled as "budak baik" by the counselling teacher, Pn. Rashidah. Well... she never saw me hauling my blue mountain bike through a hole at school right after recess. Then, again, I am the "budak baik" at the university. Golly! Do I have the word "budak baik" tattoed on my forehead?

I think that it is my nature that got people say what they said. I am the silent type. I am more of an observer than a talker. I only talk or give opinion only when I am needed to do so. Otherwise, I remain the silent me. I guess that's what prompts the folks to say that I am a "budak baik". And thus, leading me to have the difficulty to say the word 'NO'. Err... I think so. Not that I like the "budak baik" tag... but I think I've been trying to live up to everybody's expectation. I hate it. But it has become the way of life for me. It is part of my identity. And I hate it...


  1. Always remember one simple rule, "YOU CAN NOT PLEASE EVERYBODY EVERYTIME". Understand this rule and follow it till death like it were one of the ten commandments. Don't break it, don't compromise over it, just walk it. A lot of people have been going through what you are going through right now, that is; the disposition to tolerate or accept people or situations even if it puts you in a disquieting position. Forgive me if i may seem crude i'm just saying what i believe, i could be wrong altogether but you seem to be struggling with accceptence. Don't worry about what people might think if you said no. A lot of the time people tend to just move on once you've put your foot down. Remeber that 'NO' isn't just a word but a state of mind. Say it out with conviction and stand by it don't even ponder about deviating from your decission. Don't compromise your stance just because you don't want to hurt someone else's feelings. If they care about your feelings wouldn't they haven't taken the first no..?! In brief, don't feel obliged to agree to everything everytime, if you don't like it say no. If it pisses you off, say no. If it irritates you say no. Once you get the message across that once you put your foot then that final, then people will start to respect you enough to just bugger off on the first no itself. The worst thing you want to do is to make yourself a doormate for others to wipe their shit on

  2. hye manny...
    thanx for the advice. yeah, well...it takes guts to change what you are used to. i don't think i'm struggling with acceptance. it's just that... it pleases me to please people. it's not a good thing altogether i know but i guess it will take time for me to say NO to people...

  3. C'mon don't talk like that. Don't say it takes time, the first step is always the hardest. But it will be well worth it in the end. Do what your heart feels, don't do something just because you feel obliged to somenone as to not hurt their feelings. It's not doing them or you any good. I understand it takes some courage but got yo do it. Don't just say you'll do it someday because as time passes you'll so come to realise that 30 years have passed and all you are to the people around you is a doormat. Be pro-active and take that first step, I have confidence you can do it. Good Luck. :)

  4. You know what? positive-thinking is the key for me to change my old ways :)

    You are rite, it wont do me any good to stay the way i am so it's time for me to reinvent myself. Look out world, the new Ummi is being born! :P

    P/S:thanx a lot for the advice. it wakes me up


Words could heal... or it could hurt or maybe, it won't bring any difference. Either way, just type away!