the not-so-perfect life...

I'm trying to keep my head out of some things, so I've taken to hopping from one news to another. And some of it are just so interesting. Like this one:

I'd say she's a smart woman. Atta girl! Not every women have the same courage to expose their own husbands' wrongdoings but this woman just make the world a bit more safer to the children and teenagers. But yet, one person doesn't seem to agree...


I think that he/she is brain-dead. What if his/her daughter is the victim to the husband? Would he/she be willing enough to "approach and discuss the issue"? I don't think so. No wonder the comment got her 633 red arrows. What a moronic comment. Seriously.







Moving on, I then saw this picture...


Can someone please tell me what in the world is Kristen Stewart wearing? She looks... words fail me, ladies and gentlemen. I am simply horrified with her outfit.

And Robert Pattinson looks like a drunk-and-10-days-without-showering version of Wolverine. As Edward Cullen he is stunning, but as himself? Bleargh. Get a shave, Rob. That scruffy I'm-a-bad-boy look does not work on you.

Yeah, it's meaningless but then again I don't feel up to anything at the moment. I just want to rant. And I think Nicole's going to be the winner of the Cycle 13 of America's Next Top Model.

You can never have enough books. That is, if you are a bookworm an avid reader, like moi. God knows just how much books are strewn all over my bedroom. I've got a bag full of books from Wani, waiting to be read. And then I saw this...

Boy oh boy oh boy!

More books! At discounted price! It's like having an early Christmas. Wait. My mother MUST not know about this. Matila kena bebel if she finds out. Not that she discourage reading. She'll be crazy to find the space for the books.

How smart to have the sale at the end of the month, though. I'm already seeing the flying (fleeing?) RM signs. I have to check it out, anyway. I just have to. It's a sale. For books. I'm a shopaholic. Of a different kind.

Wani, what say you?








Visit Big Bad Wolf's facebook here and their website here.

I could not believe it!
I won!

Read here for more info.

Another book to add to my collection.
And even better, I won it.
Awe-freaking-some!

I'm not easily spooked (seriously). And I believe myself not to be a paranoid person. I'm not very superstitious either. But yet today, I woke up feeling a bit creeped out. Sheesh.

I'm usually a light sleeper. I will wake up upon hearing the slightest noise during my slumber. I usually lock my bedroom door every night when I go to sleep. I used to leave the door unlock but after few repeated occurrences, locking the door seems like a very good idea. What happened? I always woke up in the middle of the night to see my door opened wide. The first time it happened, I scolded my sister for not closing the door properly. She was kinda confused but then again, she is always in a confused state.

The following night, I was already asleep when she entered the bedroom. She turned on the light to read a novel. I opened my eyes and reminded her to close the door properly, which she obeyed. I went back to sleep but the light was a bit disturbing. Once, I looked at the clock. It was 2.30 a.m. when suddenly, very slowly the bedroom door swung open. Simultaneously, our eyes were fixed on the door. My sleepiness fled. My sister looked at me in puzzlement.

"Kinah dah tutup betul-betul dah pintu tu," (I've closed the door properly) she said quietly.
"Tutupla pintu tu. Kunci sekali," (Just close the door. Lock it) I replied noncommittally.

She did as per instructed without any hesitation. My sister got a spine made of steel. She's not easily scared. She asked me if she should turn off the light and I said yes. I was a bit freaked out by the incident, to be honest. I saw the door swung open. Slowly. It was like something out of a horror movie. Damn! I thought to myself. I went back to sleep, nevertheless.

The next night, I myself closed the door. I even checked to see if the door would open with the gentlest of force. I did not plan to lock the door that night as I needed to convince myself that last night was just an accident, a coincident and nothing more. Somehow, I wasn't really surprise to see the door swung open yet again around 3 in the morning. Freak show. I got up, close the door, lock it and went to sleep like nothing happened.

I keep the door locked ever since. Once or twice I forgot to lock up and I will wake up to an open door. Weird, huh? After my sister went to college, I slept alone. Until today. I pile clothes and stuff on the empty bed because I do not want to wake up in the middle of the night to someone or something on the bed. Paranoid? Spooked? Maybe I am.

Last night, I made a mistake of reading this before going to bed. My imagination went on a high but I refused to be scared. I switched off the light, albeit reluctantly and played the Yassin recitation on my phone. In the setting, I set the 'Loop' on so the recitation will repeat itself over and over again. Guess what? I woke up at 3.11 a.m. to find it had indeed stopped playing the recitation. The battery was not dead. Somehow, I turned the player off by myself? I don't know. I went back to sleep anyway, with the Yassin recitation playing.

After some time, I woke up again to a knocking on the door. Now the knocking is normal because Kak Ngah always knock the door to get her clothes kept in the room, usually around 6 to 6.30 a.m. So I opened the door, without even looking and went back to bed, intending to continue my sleep. When I suddenly realized that it was pitch black outside my room. There was no one standing outside the bedroom. No Kak Ngah. No one. I looked at my phone. 4.11 a.m. The Yassin had stopped playing, again. And me? I was near to tears. I gathered the courage to shut the door, though. And managed to went back to sleep after few minutes.

I slept through my alarm. And as I was getting ready to go to work, I instinctively checked my phone, trying to figure out why the Yassin recitation stopped. The 'Loop' setting was still on. I pressed the 'Play' button. 'Playback failed'. Huh? I opened the phone's file manager and browsed the sound files. I could not believe my eyes as I browsed up and down. The Yassin.mp3 file was nowhere to be found! How could that be???

Questions after questions bombarded my mind. Did I accidentally deleted the file? If I did, when? Did I imagine the knock on the door? Or did I dreamed about it? Was I so paranoid and scared that my mind was playing tricks with me? Am I going out of my mind? I hope not. I am sleep-deprived, that's for sure.

Should I just set up a video camera in my bedroom, just like Paranormal Activity? Uh. scratch that. Not in a million years am I going to publicized myself snoring like a retarded donkey. Nor do I want to see an entity hovering over my sleeping self. Let the unseen remain unseen, shall we? Tonight, though, maybe I'll sleep with the light on.

Look, I understand that we all need to keep ourselves updated from time to time. We need to evolve, to develop. And what's the reason for that? To make ourselves BETTER. But I guess this one does not applicable to facebook.

It can be so frigging frustrating to use facebook nowadays after their so-called update. Soon after the update was revealed, I had difficulties to sign into my account. I can't read message and I can't approve friend requests. And the most annoying part of it? The 'Live Feed' thingy. Seriously, do I need to know who my friends be friend with? Or which artist/organization they become fan of? Or which event they'll be attending? Do I really need to keep tab of their every single activity on facebook? No, morons! It's cluttering up the feed, you bozos!

The old facebook worked just fine for me. I was happy with it. It was simple. It was easy, breezy and beautiful (okay, too much ANTM there for me). Do we really need to add more clutter and complications to our lives? Come on, be practical. Yes, I know there are tutorials and manuals to manage the new facebook but do you really think that all the facebook-ers will read it? Don't bet your ass they will.

Even if I set my facebook accordingly, but my friends don't, what's the use? I'll still see the messy feed. I'll still see that 'Jane is now friends with Tom, Dick and Harry'. Do you have any idea at all how annoying can that be? It gives me the headache!

facebook was never broken in the first place. Then why oh why in the world should you go and fix it? You're not even fixing it. You're ruining facebook! I truly hate the new facebook. Now, it is broken. Fix it!

It wasn't the fanciest cake I had ever seen but the cake did get an awful lot of attention that day. We were clamoring that cake like we had never seen a cake in our life. Nothing was written on that white-frosted, fruits-topped cake. It was just an ordinary cake. And it was mysterious as to why my mother bought that cake. It wasn't anyone's birthday, was it? My mother did not say anything about that cake. Nothing at all.

Not at first...

Right after dinner, my mother asked the cake to be brought out. She got that wistful look in her eyes as she looked at that cake. And her words brought a moment of silence into the usually noisy household.

"Birthday Abah hari ni."

She was expecting him to show up. She was expecting to surprise him with the cake. While we... we never really did remember his birthday. I never did care about it. We ate the cake. Without his presence. No calls were made to wish him 'Happy Birthday'. Not one single attempt from any of us. Not even me.


If my memory serves me right, that was the first and last time we had a birthday cake for Abah. I remember the times when I texted him, wishing him 'Happy Birthday' when I happened to remember it. I mustered up the courage to call him once to say 'Happy Birthday'. He was surprised and I could hear the happiness in his voice. I made my father happy just by remembering his birthday.

My father, just like any other normal man, never did really remember our birthdays. There are 8 of us. Even I managed to messed up the dates every now and again. But when it was my birthday, I would send him a message to remind him. Not just my birthday. I would remind him of everyone's birthday. Including my mother's. My sisters were even surprised when they received birthday wish from him. It was a good surprise, eh? When he was around, he would buy a cake for the birthday girl.

Should he be alive, my dear father will turn 54 today. Maybe, just like any previous years, we will let the day simply passes by if he's alive. Maybe, I will just send another SMS to wish him 'Happy Birthday'.

How we take life and the people around us for granted...

Today, he won't be here. Nor will he ever be. No more text messages, no more calls, no more cakes. Only the memory lingers. Should I know that I will lose my father so early, will his birthdays be different? Will the cake my mother bought be the first of many cakes for him? I could not bring myself to ponder about the possibilities. But I promise myself to remember not his death, but to cherish those little moments we shared, those wishes we made to each other.

Here's to you, Abah...

Okay, okay. I get it. I've been neglecting this blog too much. I've got writer's block. Yeah, right. How was your Raya, by the way? Mine was good. Great, actually, except for the fact that two of my sisters had to go back to KL on the third Raya due to work responsibilities.

Soooooooooo... what's new?

Recently, a friend of the Boss dropped by the office. A lady. With a kid in tow. Which at first I thought was a boy. Turned out to be a girl. Which at first I thought was hers. Turned out to be her sister's. She was feeding the little girl strawberry milk and low-fat Nestle yogurt. To a 2-year old kid. That had to be wrong, right? Anything low-fat has got to be wrong. Well, to me, at least.

Somehow, the kid got attached to me. Must be an excellent judge of character, huh? She refused to go the lady and hung to me tightly. The lady was kinda surprised as she said the little girl is actually afraid of strangers. Like I say, the kid is an excellent judge of character. Then she asked me how old I am. I told her 24 and like on auto-pilot, she went

"Are you married?"
"No, I'm not."
"Why??" I could actually see the horror in her face when she shot out the question. I smiled.
"So many things to do and see. Marriage is a long way to go for me," and I swear I could see the dismay colored her face. Did I disappoint her? I think I did.

24 is definitely not old in my book. It's the modern world, ain't it? Who says we gotta get married by the time we are 20? Pffft.

"You'll be a good a mother," she added, as if to entice me to enter the world of marriage. I know I'll be a good mother, thank you very much. In fact, I won't be feeding my 2-year old kid cold strawberry milk and low-fat yogurt at all. I'll be a freaking great mother. When the time comes. When the right time comes. I can't even take proper care of myself, how the heck am I suppose to take care of other people?

I think that hearing about marriage is nothing new for the 23 and above girls. We are constantly reminded about it either directly or indirectly. It's not a mentality anymore. It becomes a norm. No matter how many times we say that we're still young, reckless and rebellious, people will still steer us towards marriage. It's a way of life, I suppose, to make a girl think about marriage as soon she hits puberty.

Anyway, I believe the marriage / kenduri season will start soon. It's warming up now anyway. To all of you who are courageous and blessed enough to step into the world of marriage, I wish you all the happiness in the world. And to us people, who got stuck in this when-are-you-going-to-get-married ditch, I'd say this: Let's not give it a damn.