an extra special post

Just in case you thought I forgot, no, I do not. I may not be the first, or the earliest to wish you, but I hope this entire post will make it a little extra special for you, on your very special day.

How long have we known each other, eh? Sometimes I feel like it's forever. You're like one of my sisters whenever you come around to the house. I can talk just about anything with you. Anything. Even though we don't really have much in common, except our love for books. But I bet you don't even have time to read nowadays.

I remember back in 2003, when we received our SPM results. Mine was so bad, I don't feel like going home. So I hung around your house until evening. I hate the school. I hate some of the people. But I have you and the other girls to make it bearable. Remember those times when we skipped school? I had to carry my blue mountain bike through that hole so that we can escape. Those were the good times.

Honestly, I don't remember if we ever fought. Do you? I remember many things about our friendship, but not any fight. Even when you moved away, even when we went our own way to complete our studies. You down south and me up north. Yeah, then we drift further apart. Physically, at least. We still keep in touch with each other, through our blogs (I read yours every time you update it), through Twitter and Facebook.

Another thing I don't remember, is if I ever dedicate an entire post to you. So, on this special day, I'm dedicating this entire post to you and you only.

Happy birthday to you, my dear friend, Wani.

From left to right: Wani, me and Mimah

Thank you for being such a great friend for all this time. Thank you for just being there whenever I need an ear to listen to all my complains and wallowing. Thank you for just being you.

Happy birthday again, my friend. May all your wishes be fulfilled and may all your dreams come true.

why i won't lost my way

There's this one person, who will never ever let me stray too far from my track. She will correct me when I'm wrong. She will reprimand or scold me for things I did that I know wrong but pretend otherwise.She will warn me if have any intention of straying. She keeps me grounded. All the time.

Oh. And she is the person who keeps me from spending my money on err... things I don't actually need.

And she is a year younger than me. She is my sister.

Fondly known as Kak Ngah or Angah among the family, she turns 25 today. Yes, you guess it right. This entire post is dedicated specially for my sister, one of my closest and best friends, Angah.

Happy birthday to you...

Happy birthday to you...

Happy birthday to Angah...

Happy birthday to you!

Happy birthday, dear sis. You're now a year wiser, yeah? I hope all your dreams will come true, Angah. We all know just how hard you work to achieve you have today. You excelled in your studies, your have your own business, you are very grounded and you're one tough cookie. Abah would be so proud of you. Just like we all are.

She's a generous soul, this sister of mine. And ever so helpful and patient. But beware, you don't want to piss her off. Once you get on her bad side, you'll regret it for a looooong time. But she's a fun person to hang out with, mark my word. More so if you're a K-Pop and K-Drama junkie. 3 hari 3 malam pun tak habis cerita weh!

 Angah and me having lunch at IKEA. I usually go out with my sisters.

I am lucky to have her as a sister. Very lucky, in fact. I could never imagine my life without her. Each of my sibling is like a part of my soul, you see. I could never imagine my life without them. Never. Gaduh, gaduh jugak but remember, blood is indeed thicker than water.

Here's to you, Angah. Happy glorious birthday. I heart you.

Oh. Did I ever mention that Angah is single? She is, in fact, very very single. *hint hint*

jack of all trades

I have a friend. Whom I've known for years. But never even met. Not even once. And yet, I tell him all sort of things. I tell him of my heartbreaks, which he laughs at every now and then, which then will make me laugh as well. I tell him of my fear, which he makes fun of all the time, which makes the fear itself seems ridiculous. And we share a wacky sense of humor. Because he's crazy. I'm not. Seriously.

And today is his birthday. We don't even meet for birthdays. We just do what's necessary and that's that. And I cherish the simplicity of it all. I cherish the simplicity of our friendship. Whatever jokes we crack, it never meant to do any harm or hurt. We make fun of each other all the time. Simplicity, peppered with humor and animosity. And it's his birthday.

An entry dedicated to you, my friend...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU,
JACK KASHFI

May you live another 100 years successfully and prosperously
May you find happiness wherever you go
May you live a life that's blessed
May you have families and friends surrounding and protecting you
And may you have the best day of all days today

I'm thinking...

Hadiah ni nak tak? Wahahahahahahaha!

Happy birthday again!


P/S: I told you, we have wacky sense of humor.

it's 23rd of october...

It wasn't the fanciest cake I had ever seen but the cake did get an awful lot of attention that day. We were clamoring that cake like we had never seen a cake in our life. Nothing was written on that white-frosted, fruits-topped cake. It was just an ordinary cake. And it was mysterious as to why my mother bought that cake. It wasn't anyone's birthday, was it? My mother did not say anything about that cake. Nothing at all.

Not at first...

Right after dinner, my mother asked the cake to be brought out. She got that wistful look in her eyes as she looked at that cake. And her words brought a moment of silence into the usually noisy household.

"Birthday Abah hari ni."

She was expecting him to show up. She was expecting to surprise him with the cake. While we... we never really did remember his birthday. I never did care about it. We ate the cake. Without his presence. No calls were made to wish him 'Happy Birthday'. Not one single attempt from any of us. Not even me.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

If my memory serves me right, that was the first and last time we had a birthday cake for Abah. I remember the times when I texted him, wishing him 'Happy Birthday' when I happened to remember it. I mustered up the courage to call him once to say 'Happy Birthday'. He was surprised and I could hear the happiness in his voice. I made my father happy just by remembering his birthday.

My father, just like any other normal man, never did really remember our birthdays. There are 8 of us. Even I managed to messed up the dates every now and again. But when it was my birthday, I would send him a message to remind him. Not just my birthday. I would remind him of everyone's birthday. Including my mother's. My sisters were even surprised when they received birthday wish from him. It was a good surprise, eh? When he was around, he would buy a cake for the birthday girl.

Should he be alive, my dear father will turn 54 today. Maybe, just like any previous years, we will let the day simply passes by if he's alive. Maybe, I will just send another SMS to wish him 'Happy Birthday'.

How we take life and the people around us for granted...

Today, he won't be here. Nor will he ever be. No more text messages, no more calls, no more cakes. Only the memory lingers. Should I know that I will lose my father so early, will his birthdays be different? Will the cake my mother bought be the first of many cakes for him? I could not bring myself to ponder about the possibilities. But I promise myself to remember not his death, but to cherish those little moments we shared, those wishes we made to each other.

Here's to you, Abah...

Happy birthday.
I love you. So much.
And I miss you. More than ever.
Happy birthday.

a birthday not forgotten

Whether we realize it or not, 2008 is coming to an end, fast. Well, for me, at least. It has been one heck of a year for me, I must say. Ups and downs, the usual thing. Life is... life. I have to go on no matter what, no? Yep. I am taking it all in as it is.

But today, I choose to stop and reflect a while. Because today, 23rd October, is my father's birthday. And though he is gone, he still live in my heart and my memory. Here, in my heart and head, he is pretty much alive and I prefer to keep it that way. I'm hanging on to every single memory I shared with him, good or bad. It's the only thing I have of him, after all. Memories.

I stand alone
I walk alone
as I reminisce
every little pieces
of you and I

The tear-stained history
The laughter-filled moments
I keep it all in the box
and though I want to keep it sealed
I could never bring myself to it
because it is too precious
to be kept away

I told myself to let go
I told myself to live with it and move on
I'm living with it, every single second
I'm moving on, step by step
but I refuse to let go
and as each day passes by
I miss you more

Regrets
Remorse
How could I even begin
How could I even stop
Now that you are gone
I could only look back
into the shadows of the past
where time stopped
to reveal all the little things we missed
all the little things I missed

I stand alone
I walk alone
as I grasp the memories
as I look back
and I saw you
as you walk away
without saying goodbye

-Ummi Farhana-

Happy birthday, dear Abah...

the perfect wish...

Tomorrow, 22nd March, is my birthday. And someone made a really sweet wish, which is just perfect for me. It is more than I could ever imagine, more than I could ever hope for. I just LOVE it. To that someone, you know who you are, THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH. You really made my day.

Here's what he did...

THANK YOU...
for listening to all my grudges and complaints
for making me smile and laugh (even though you might not know it)
for just being there for me...

*ucehhh... kompem dia gelak ni*
Gelak la ko... still... THANKS... =P

the birthday mission - accomplished!

Mama's birthday celebration was a success! Hooray! Mama was happy. Double hooray! The celebration started around 8.30 pm, despite some change of plan. Nevertheless, it went smoothly and I believe that everyone had a good time. Here are some of the pictures that I promised earlier...

The celebration was also broadcasted life on our webcam so that other relatives who are far away can join in the celebration! Enjoy!

The present. Ain't it gohgeous?

Mama and her best friend, Cik Na who helped us to keep Mama out of the house

Makan time!

A certain catman made a special appearance. Tee-hee...

That was the curtain closer for an eventful year. In the meantime,

~HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE~

P/S: More on the celebration here.
P/S/S: A review for National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets coming up next. And I owe 2 tags to 2 bloggers. Coming very soon!

the birthday mission!

Today, 27th December, Mama turns 53.

And we are planning a surprise party for her! Here's the party checklist:

• Cake - Banana Chocolate from Secret Recipe (check!)
• Birthday card - will get everybody to sign it (check!)
• Birthday present - a super-gohgeous handbag (check!)
  
• KFC (check!)
• Pizza - sponsored by our beloved Pak Tam! (check!)
• Drinks - will be prepared by Adik (check!)
• Junk foods - again, Adik (check!)

We also enlisted the help of Mama's best friend, who we call Cik Na to help us to keep Mama out of the house until at least 8 pm. Lets hope it will work or the surprise will be ruined. I will post the pictures of the party soon.

I wonder how she will react tonight? Oh, the anticipation!

a letter for abah...

Asalammualaikum Abah...

I do not even know how am I suppose to start this letter. I wish it could be as easy as saying "How are you?". But... it was never easy to say anything to you, be it in writings or speech. The one with lots of things to say was always you, Abah. And you didn't speak of nothing. There was always something to ponder about when you talk. Of course, most of the times it would be about politics but nevertheless, there were always avid listeners and you could go on for hours, even into the wee hours of the morning. That was a part of you I will always remember.

Abah...
We were suppose to celebrate this Hari Raya together. It was our turn to have you with us to celebrate this joyous occasion. Mama was suppose to have someone to sit by her side when the family pictures were taken, just like Papa and Pak Tam's family. You were suppose to sit beside Mama so that the picture will be complete. Guess Allah has another plan for us, right Abah? It still hurt, though. The if-onlys ran in my mind most of the times. If only Abah is here. If only we could celebrate Hari Raya together as a family. If only you are still around... Wishful thinking, I know.

Abah...
I am truly sorry. I am sorry for not visiting you since you went away. I could not bring myself to it, Abah. It is hard enough to come to term with your loss. Visiting you will be like... a finality. And I don't want that. I want to remember you as a whole person. I don't need another reminder, especially not one that reminds me of you not being here. I'm afraid I might break down and cry all over again. It is enough that I'm doing it alone in the silent darkness. Maybe in years to come, I'll be stronger. But not today, Abah. The pain, the sadness is still raw.

Abah...
Never did I utter the word of love to you. Never once I told you "I love you" or "I miss you". Pride got in my way. Never did I told you I am proud of you. I still remember the time when you were there at my UiTM, giving the talk during the program organized by Biro Tatanegara. You rocked the session. My friends love you. They were saying things like "Ayah Ummi bestla!" and "Ayah Ummi kelakarla!". I was so proud, Abah. You made me feel so proud to be your daughter, but you didn't know that, did you? Because I never told you so. Here I'm telling you now, Abah, that I am truly proud to be your daughter.

Abah...
I used to doubt how much you love me. I used to doubt if you ever think of me. I came to realized later that how baseless my doubts were. I met with your friends. And they all looked at me fondly, saying "Ni anak Joey ni". Yes, I always get that. Because I look a lot like you. And then I came to know that you always talked about me. "Ni Farhana ni, Abah dia selalu dok sebut nama dia", a person said. "Anak Joey yang ni selalu dia dok cerita, bawak pi rata kecik-kecik dulu", another said. Here and there, people talked about how you always talked about me. A father's daughter I was. How I miss you, Abah. I miss you so much.

Abah...
Today, I wish I could see your face. Today, I wish I could hear your voice and laughter. Today, I wish you are here. How I wish you are here today so that I could say this to you directly as I never done it before... I wish I could say

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ABAH
LOVE YOU ALWAYS...

another birthday (build-up to aidilfitri)

It is my lil brother's birthday today! He is now 12. Time moves so fast, no? He is such a big boy now, and fiercely independent. He never missed a day of puasa yet! *proud* Here's his pictures. Handsome, no? My friends always say that he'll be a heart-breaker someday. Gee, I hope they were just teasing, or being nice.

Yesterday was another sister's birthday. She's 18 now. Wow! Everybody is growing up so fast, I feel old already. Hahaha!~

Anyway, this just adds up to the festive mood, but somehow, there's something missing. Will blog about it later on. In the meantime, here's a big wish for both my beloved member of the family...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AISHAH & SYAQIRIN!!!
LOVE YOU BOTH SOOOO MUCH!!!!

happy birthday to me!

Kinda late, I know, but hey, it's still March! Oh yeah, and my birthday is on the 22nd of March.

And so here goes : HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

For those who is still in the blue, I am 22 this year.

For the last 21 years, when 22nd March arrived, I was always eager to remind Abah of my birthday. Every single year. Abah, like any other men, tends to forget those kind of dates. When informed, Abah would buy a cake (if he was around) or he would give a call to wish me when he wasn't around. That call alone would bring a smile upon my face for the rest of the day.

This year... it is different. Because Abah is not around, nor he will ever be. And I, am left to reflect upon those moment when a single call on the 22nd of March would mean a lot to me. It didn't matter that he never did remember the date. It was the thoughts that count.

And yeah, I miss him... a lot...

happy birthday mama !!!

Yesterday, 27th December, was my beloved mama's birthday. She is 52 now, but believe me, she doesn't look like a woman in her 50's. Still one rocking mama my mother is. I am so proud of my mother and sure, I love her very much. My mother is the strongest person I've ever met. Raising 8 children on her own and working, all at the same time... my mother is a true hero for me. Here's one big hug to you, mama... Love you always and forever.

~HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA~