Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Forgotten dreams...

i love to read adiba's blog coz she has her way with words. definitely born to be a journalist. keep up the funk, girl!

when i was much much younger, i wanted to become a lawyer when i grow up. i dreamt of it since i was in primary school. then, i went to the secondary school. still wanted to be a lawyer back then. even got in the school debate team (though i have bloody stage-fright). i did ok for the 3 years as one the speakers for the debate team. but then, some friends said that it is not a good thing to be a lawyer. the reason? it's all about the dunia-akhirat thingy... the sins of it all bla bla bla. i got scared. really i did. so, there goes the i-wanna-be-a-lawyer dream. the next thing i knew, one friend also want to become a lawyer and guess what? she got full support from the same friends that told me laywers are not heaven-borne. guess i wasn't good enough, huh? the things your so-called friend could do.

then, i wanted to be a writer. i love writing. i pride myself in writing. i even wanted to be a journalist. my sisters and some real friends thought it was a good idea. but guess what? my mom didn't have the same opinion. it wasn't real enough of a job. okay. she is a mother, she knows whats best for me. so, another dream forgotten. i still write, though... behind her back. now, i think my mom is more tolerant in this matter, but then again, whats done is done.

i am now 21, doing diploma in tourism management. can't say that i love it... or hate it. it is just the thing i can do. it is not easy. struggling to keep up with all the geniuses in the class, trying to compete for everything... normal things in life. still manage to survive, though there are some glitches.

the thing is this: i let other people decide for me. as simple as that. i can be a lawyer if i put my mind into it. i can be a writer or a journalist if i stay strong. but no, i have to listen to other people. friends, mom, dad... for all my life, i seek approval from other people in everything i do. am still doing it. what i don't have is my own mind...

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Words could heal... or it could hurt or maybe, it won't bring any difference. Either way, just type away!