For start, I don't even know if I should be posting about this on the blog... but perhaps, I just need some clarification, or better yet, some release to ease the numbing sensation inside of me. Some stories, truth or not, I guess is better left unsaid. But then again, I am stupid enough to get curiousity got the best of me, heedless of the warning bells clanging inside of my head.
I never really wish to revisit the past. For me, what done is done. There is no way I could change whatever happened in the past. But somehow, sometimes, I wish it could be different. For so many years I live with the fact that my father has another family, a family that he cherish more than mine. His loss. I never care about him anymore. At least, that is what I keep telling myself. And that is exactly what I want to believe.
And then, I was told something that I had never been told before. All the stories behind my father's marriage to another woman. It was truly unbelievable. It took quiet some times for me to digest all of it. I thought I knew enough. But now I know that it was only the surface. The past ran deep, so deep I do not know if I am courageous enough to discover the bottom. At least I am content with what I have right now.
The past is one thing. The present is another. And it makes wonder, what has happened to my father? How can he be so blind? Well... he has been blind for the past decade so I don't think he will open his eyes and mind anytime soon. And to think that he actually refuse to believe the truth, enough said I believe. Even if that woman were sleeping around with somebody else right under his nose he won't notice it because he is so freakin' sick he won't notice anything! He refused treatment from the hospital and opted for all those crappy traditional method (the bomoh and all). Damn foolish. And he is getting sicker and sicker everytime.
Should one day he is sick that he could not even lift his finger, what would the other woman do? Dump him on us? Would that open his eyes?
And that blasted dream! The dream of a perfect family. Nice though it was, I forced myself to wake up. Because life, is just not so perfect.