parenting 101

Ladies and gentlemen, let me tell you how to raise a good son that will respect and be loyal to you. Never mind that I don't have one my own. I just have to look at other people to know and make my own conclusion. Here's my take:

• When there's something wrong somewhere, tell him that he is useless even if you don't know if it's his mistake or someone else's.
  
  
• When someone spread rumors about your son, tell your son "Menyesal ade anak macam ko ni" even without checking out the truth. Then, beat him up.
  
  
• Throw him out of the house every once in a week. Better yet, throw him out at 5.30 in the morning.
  
  
• Name-calling is appropriate to show your love. Words like "Ko ni anak keling kutip je" is better.
  
  
• Take away his bed, his pillow, his blanket, everything that he used to sleep on and leave him only a piece of bedsheet. When he ask for a blanket to keep him warm on a cold, rainy night, pretend like you do not hear him.
  
  
  
• Do not allow him to work. And don't give him money at all.
  
  
• If he want to work, he can only work with you or for you. And don't pay him anything.
  
  
• When you buy KFC, do not invite him to eat along with the family, even if KFC is his favorite food. Only call him when it is finished.
  
  
  
• When he ask for money so that he could buy train ticket to look after his brother in the hospital, scold him.
  
  
• When you are angry at him, leave him in the middle of nowhere at night and let him walk all the way home. Beat him up first.
  
  
• After a long day working his ass off for you, buy lunch only for yourself. If he ask money to buy himself lunch, pretend like you do not hear him.
  
  
• When he has really gone out of the house, call him back so that you have someone to take care of the house. Furthermore, your eldest son is getting married. Need extra hands for the 'kenduri' right? Need to present a united front to the people as well.
  
  
• Even if you know that he is penniless, pretend like you don't know.
  
  
• When he find a job, scold him and throw him out of the house, again. Beat him up first Maki dia cukup-cukup first.
  
  
• Never mind that he help you to look after his brother (who, by the way, was involved in an accident) and your canteen, he does not deserve any appreciation at all.
  
  
• In short, he doesn't deserve to live at all!

Puzzled, are we? Don't worry. I am, too!