the final goodbye... (part ii)

I never expect it could happen. Never even wish for it. But then... you cannot stop fate. You cannot stop God's will. And thus, I have to accept that Abah is gone. Forever. As I sit, alone, I just could not stop thinking about Abah. And then, the tears will come out. It is so hard to believe that he is now gone. So hard. And to think that I wasn't there when he blew his last breath... and I didn't had the chance to apologize... didn't had the chance to tell him that all things aside, I still love him. Too late, I guess.

Until now, I could never really accept that he is gone. But then again, I witnessed everything. From the cold, dead body to the burial. Still so hard to believe. My dad. Gone. Forever. Wish it was all just a dream. I still cry every night thinking about it, missing him dearly. Every single thing about Abah is coming back to me. All those times spent with him... his jokes, his words, his laughter... everything. God, how I wish I could turn back the time...

I want to be strong. I am being strong. But sometimes, it all got a bit overwhelming and I try not to cry and be strong. It never work. I'll end up crying like a baby. I could not even be left alone because then I'll start to think about Abah and then I'll cry and cry and cry until there's no more tears left. Sometimes I wonder, when will the pain and sadness subside? When will I start to live normally? When will I ever get used to a life without Abah?