Sunday, August 05, 2007

it's august y'all!

And so August has descended upon us once again. It's the month of Merdeka. The 50th one, that is. Time to raise the Jalur Gemilang and wave it proudly. Honestly, though, I would never count myself as patriotic. I'm just a Malaysian who loves this country as my home, the land where I was born and raised. The place I love the most? My home, of course! Okay, all things aside, I have to say that I am so glad that August is here. It is so seldom that I feel relieved the time is moving fast because I want this semester to be over soon.

Miserable time ahead...
Will be going back to Penang tomorrow. And I do feel miserable all over again. Still not coping well, do I? Nope. Still not getting over it. I should be knocked over my head, very hard. I'm such a crybaby really. Gosh, I just wish I am as tough as my sisters! They are doing rather well at the moment while I am holed up at home, refusing to face my own life realistically. Running away is so much easier to do. Dang! I will go back there, however miserable I may be and at least try to face it all like a champion (yeah, right!). I won't be coming back to KL anytime soon (maybe!), in a week or two (again, maybe!). Wish me luck and pray for me so that I will be able to hang on and do what I am suppose to do.

Losing faith...
I do not know if love is as powerful as people made it out to be but somehow I'm feeling kinda lost right now. Both of us are experiencing our own difficult times and it does not look really good right now. Just two weeks ago everything was kinda rosy and OK. Now? I'm not even sure. It's not fair to blame fate or The Power Above because we human are imperfect. There are choices we made along the way that won't come handy in the future. I chose to be with him, despite everything. I chose to stay with him, despite all the hard times. Most of the times, I do think it was the better choice. Sometimes, I'm not even sure. My life is just so full of uncertainty. And I'm losing faith of this relationship.

It's August. Then September will come, followed by October and November and finally, December. How will my year end? This year started off with a tragedy, a loss that affected me so much until now. I do wonder, amidst all the uncertainty and hard times, how will 2007 end for me?


  1. you always came out strong after a tragedy, don't lose faith in yourself right now.

    besides, i'm still here.

  2. hey babe...
    i always tot that you're much more stronger than i am... n much more sensible. i may look ok, but ... ahh... words just cud not describe everything...

    p/s: miss u, btw

  3. yahh.. believe in urself to stand where u are now, and u gonna be ok. :)

    besides, its a nice day to be alive kan?


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