taking the bull by its horn. (or so...)

Woke up one day, saw the weighing scale, took a deep breath and bravely stepped on it. Oh s**t! Kicked the thing away and took another deep breath. Looked into the mirror. Said to self, "I don't look too bad, no?" Denial, denial, denial. Always that "I'm OK what" thought. Okay, lets face it, women and weight, it is an issue that will have no end. Well, for me, at least, it is true. I've always been overweight, I admit that. There are lots people around me who keep reminding me about that (as if I need reminders!) and believe me, it is never easy to hear all those people talking about my weight. Most of the times, it could be downright nasty and hurtful. The things that a fat girl has to go through. Facing it for years and years, I grew numb of it all, but sometimes, it hurts like hell.

I could only stare in green envy at my sisters who could wear fabulous clothes, who don't have to think too much when it comes to pick the right clothes for any occasion. I, meanwhile have to be careful so as not to display all that "health" I have. It can be pretty daunting and not to mention stressful *sigh*.

Even if it is OK for me, people around me will never stop pointing out the painful truth to me. Yes, I know, they want the best for me (well, some of them, anyway) but sometimes, it is easier said than done. Lots of suggestions have been thrown to my face. This dietla, that dietlah. This pill, that drink and all that rubbish (pardon me). Never works *sigh again*. The problem lies within myself, to be honest. I lack discipline. And I love food to much to let it go. And food is always aplenty at home. One of my sis studies bakery. She brings home cakes and bread every week and she is one hell of a baker, I tell you (she makes the most delicious Chocolate Moist that I had ever taste!). Too many temptation, too little self-restraint.

This all have got to change. I'm so sick of those jeers and taunts and critics. I'm tired of hearing the endless ways of losing weight. I've had enough. I'm going to face this issue head-on. Yes, I'm going to lose weight. Yes, I'm going to practice self-restraint. And take note of this; I'm doing this for myself. Not for all those people who keep saying this and that about me and my weight. This if for me. Moi. Me alone. I want to feel good of myself. I want to be more confident and sure of myself. I want to reinvent myself. I need to step out of my own box.

I am sure all of you are aware how being overweight could put a dent on one's personality or life, how it can lower one's self-esteem, how it can push you down the social ladder etc. etc. I always thought I did alright as I have the penchant to ignore all those things said about me and my weight. No more. I'm going to change all that. Just you wait.