Friday, October 23, 2009

it's 23rd of october...

It wasn't the fanciest cake I had ever seen but the cake did get an awful lot of attention that day. We were clamoring that cake like we had never seen a cake in our life. Nothing was written on that white-frosted, fruits-topped cake. It was just an ordinary cake. And it was mysterious as to why my mother bought that cake. It wasn't anyone's birthday, was it? My mother did not say anything about that cake. Nothing at all.

Not at first...

Right after dinner, my mother asked the cake to be brought out. She got that wistful look in her eyes as she looked at that cake. And her words brought a moment of silence into the usually noisy household.

"Birthday Abah hari ni."

She was expecting him to show up. She was expecting to surprise him with the cake. While we... we never really did remember his birthday. I never did care about it. We ate the cake. Without his presence. No calls were made to wish him 'Happy Birthday'. Not one single attempt from any of us. Not even me.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

If my memory serves me right, that was the first and last time we had a birthday cake for Abah. I remember the times when I texted him, wishing him 'Happy Birthday' when I happened to remember it. I mustered up the courage to call him once to say 'Happy Birthday'. He was surprised and I could hear the happiness in his voice. I made my father happy just by remembering his birthday.

My father, just like any other normal man, never did really remember our birthdays. There are 8 of us. Even I managed to messed up the dates every now and again. But when it was my birthday, I would send him a message to remind him. Not just my birthday. I would remind him of everyone's birthday. Including my mother's. My sisters were even surprised when they received birthday wish from him. It was a good surprise, eh? When he was around, he would buy a cake for the birthday girl.

Should he be alive, my dear father will turn 54 today. Maybe, just like any previous years, we will let the day simply passes by if he's alive. Maybe, I will just send another SMS to wish him 'Happy Birthday'.

How we take life and the people around us for granted...

Today, he won't be here. Nor will he ever be. No more text messages, no more calls, no more cakes. Only the memory lingers. Should I know that I will lose my father so early, will his birthdays be different? Will the cake my mother bought be the first of many cakes for him? I could not bring myself to ponder about the possibilities. But I promise myself to remember not his death, but to cherish those little moments we shared, those wishes we made to each other.

Here's to you, Abah...

Happy birthday.
I love you. So much.
And I miss you. More than ever.
Happy birthday.


  1. rasanya benda yang paling wani ingat pasal ayah ummi ialah masa yang kita tgh borak pastu ayah ummi turun and garu belakang dia kat dinding.

    rasanya time tu ada kita and kakak kot. time tu memang takleh tahan gelak.

  2. Anonymous9:12:00 PM

    i love this sweet.

  3. wani: he's like that

    anon: thanks


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