cerita curang

Mood rajin datang menjenguk buat seketika.

Aku tertarik dengan satu artikel di Wanista yang aku baca minggu lepas. Sebenarnya nak blog pasal artikel tu, tapi mood rajin pergi jalan-jalan. Artikel boleh baca di sini. Pergi baca. Artikel ni berkisarkan tentang seorang lelaki yang menceritakan kecurangan isterinya dalam sebuah blog. Haa... gitu.

Dah baca? Menarik tak? Bagi aku, menarik sangat. Dan oleh kerana itu, aku dengan gigihnya pergi google blog tersebut. Dan aku jumpa! Takdelah gigih mana pun sebenarnya. Taip je 'my cheating wife', tekan search, jumpalah aku akan blog tersebut. Lalu aku pun membaca setiap entry yang lelaki tu taip. Setiap satu entry. Setiap satu perkataan. Aku baca. Itu baru namanya gigih. Kalaulah bekerja atau belajar dulu pun gigih macam ni...

Tapi lelaki ni lagi gigih. Pasang software untuk spy handphone isteri dia. Siap printscreen perbualan SMS antara isteri dia dengan boyfriend isteri dia. SMS diorang... phewww. Silalah pergi sendiri ke blog tersebut untuk baca pertukaran SMS antara dua kekasih tersebut. Kalau aku bubuh semua kat sini, nanti blog aku kena censored. Gahahaha! Tak pasal-pasal blog ni kena rate 18SX. Awww... tak rela ai. Ni bukan blog nyah-nyah tayang lurah tetek ye.

Tapi...

Secara seriusnya, aku rasa sedih, marah dan kecewa bagi pihak lelaki tu. Dahlah isteri curang, anak yang selama ni dia ingat anak dia rupa-rupanya adalah anak kepada boyfriend isteri dia. Pedih betul. Tersayat hati, lebih-lebih lagi bila masuk bab anak. Tergamaknya seorang perempuan mempermainkan suami dia sampai macam tu sekali. Sebagai seorang perempuan, aku rasa malu dengan perbuatan isteri itu. Apa sebab pun tak mampu nak justifikasikan perbuatan dia sebagai seorang isteri dan seorang ibu.

Dan boyfriend itu pula ialah seorang suami. Ya, curangnya itu seorang perempuan dan seorang lelaki. Tak boleh nak tuding jari kata perempuan je jahat, atau lelaki je jahat. Dua-dua sama jahat. Orang yang curang dengan pasangan masing-masing ialah orang yang jahat. Jahat sejahat-jahatnya, bagi aku. Sebab apa? Sebab orang yang curang ni menyakiti hati orang lain, mengkhianati kepercayaan orang lain. Kalau kau bunuh orang, orang tu mati, keluarga dia mungkin boleh meneruskan kehidupan. Tapi bila kau mengkhianati pasangan hidup sendiri yang percayakan kau, luka tu akan berbekas sampai mati.

Aku tak faham kadang-kadang dengan orang yang curang ni. Kau dah kahwin dengan pasangan pilihan kau, kenapa kau masih ada hati nak tergedik-gedik dengan orang lain lagi? Tak cukup kasih sayang? Tak cukup nafkah zahir batin? Atau kau ni sememangnya manusia yang tak pernah akan puas? Sebanyak mana kasih sayang, sebanyak mana ciuman peluk kasih nak diberikan supaya kau puas? Orang tamak ni, orang tua kata, selalu akan rugi.

Bertukar-tukar ayat cinta asmaradana di Facebook, di SMS, di WhatsApp/WeChat/Skype, bukan main lagi. Kalau ada masa untuk mabuk kepayang bercurangan dengan orang lain, kenapa tak bercinta dengan yang sememangnya dah halal bagi kau? Kenapa? Sebab ada thrill? Sebab untuk suka-suka? Sebab bosan? Sebab gatal? Sebab apa sebenarnya? Musykil betul aku. Kalau ada yang kurang pada pasangan sendiri, bawalah berbincang bantal ke bantal. Kau dah pilih dia untuk hidup dengan kau, dan dia dah pilih kau untuk hidup dengan dia, kenapa perlu nak mencari juga keseronokan di luar?

Jangan. Pesan aku, jangan sakiti hati pasangan kau. Jangan khianati kepercayaan dia. Dalam sesebuah perhubungan, bila kepercayaan tu dah kau cemarkan, susah nak patah balik. Susah dah orang yang kau tipu tu nak percaya pada kau, tak kira macam mana cinta atau sayangnya dia pada kau. Syak wasangka, curiga akan timbul. Benda ni sebenarnya yang membawa kepada pertengkaran, membawa kepada perceraian. Itu pendapat jujur aku. Aku pun, sekali dah dikhianati kepercayaan aku, susah aku nak percaya pada orang tu dah. Sakit. Sakit sangat bila dikhianati.

Setengah orang, ranggi dan yakin. Yakin yang dia dok main-main belakang pasangan dia, pasangan dia takkan tahu. Kawan, jangan lupa, Allah itu Maha Kuasa. Allah itu Maha Mengetahui. Dan Allah itu juga Maha Mengasihi kepada hamba-Nya yang teraniaya. Tak hari ni, esok atau lusa, pasti aktiviti masa lapang kau tu akan terbongkar juga. Tak payah dia nak spy handphone kau ke apa, Allah akan tunjuk juga satu ketika nanti. Masa tu, memang lantak kat kaulah kalau dia sumpah kau jadi peti ais pun.

Cuba nanti, bila kau sedang enak berbicara cinta penuh berahi dengan orang yang bukan pasangan kau, kau terbalikkan situasi. Kau bayangkan yang kau ni pasangan kau yang setia tu, dan pasangan kau tu yang dok sibuk SMS berahi dengan orang ketiga? Amacam? Bayangkan. Dan cuba rasa. Sakit tak hati? Sedih? Marah? Kecewa? Kalau kau tak rasa, memang kau tak serik, kan? Heh.

Jangan mulut sahaja bicara cinta dan sayang. Biar perbuatan itu seiring dengan apa yang diucapkan. Ingat, setiap perbuatan itu ada balasannya. Kau lelaki ke, kau perempuan ke, bilamana kau curang, kau jahat. Kalau nantinya, pasangan kau yang bicara "I miss you" kepada orang lain, kau jangan melatah. Itu namanya, padan muka.

kfc: makan esok je lah!

Di suatu hari yang tak berapa nak hening, selepas puas terkinja-kinja tak ingat dunia tengok Backstreet Boys secara live, 4 orang manusia masuk ke KFC Kepong Drive Thru 24 Hours. Aku perlu bagi nama lengkap supaya orang tahu KFC yang mana satu. Maka, dengan perut yang teramatlah lapar pada pukul 2 pagi, pergilah 4 manusia itu ke kaunter untuk memesan hidangan yang sudah terbayang-bayang di kepala otak.

"Kak, dinner plate satu. Nak spicy," begitu lebih kurang bunyinya. Aku tak tulis skrip jadi ini anggaran je dialognya.

"Spicy dah habis. Kena tunggu 30 minit kalau nak." balas cashier yang bernama Riyah.

"Makan esok je lah!" tambah Cik Riyah, mesra sekali. Bulat mata Shera pandang Cik Riyah yang terlampau mesra itu.

"Ambik OR je lah. Jangan banyak songeh," aku cuba menenangkan keadaan.

"Oklah, bagi OR, tapi nak bahagian drumstick," Shera pun mengalah. Perut lapar la katakan. Cik Riyah pun jenguk-jenguk ke bahagian yang ada beberapa ketul cuma ayam goreng.

"Drumstick tak adalah. Makan esok je lah!" Cik Riyah membalas, penuh kemesraan juga. Siap senyum meleret. Eh eh. Ni bikin panas ni. Aku pun dah mula rasa sebal dengan Cik Riyah ni.

"Ok, nak order Krusher. Nak Krusher..."

"Krusher takde!" pantas sekali Cik Riyah memotong. Amboi. Efisyen betul Cik Riyah ni. Syabas!

"Tanya dulu nak Krusher apa. Lemon punya kan ada lagi," seorang mamat di belakang yang nampak agak sibuk menegur.

"Eh, a'ah. Yang lemon punya ada lagi," tersengih-sengih Cik Riyah kita. Tu lah, potong lagi cakap pelanggan. Potong lagi, Cik Riyah. Aku dah rasa macam nak potong lidah kau tu hah.

"Lemon krusher dua," Cik Riyah pun key in pesanan.

"Chicken Wrap ada?" tanya Hubster. Tu kegemaran Hubster lah tu Golden Chicken Wrap tu.

"Takde, dah habis. Makan esok je lah!"

PUNDEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK! Bebetul mengundang minah ni. Mengundang sangat. Terima kasihlah buat perangai macam tu, Cik Riyah. Maka kami pun bawak rezeki kamu ke McDonald's.

Kau kalau tak ada benda yang dipesan, minta maaf dan cakap elok-elok benda dah tak ada. Bukan cakap "MAKAN ESOK JE LAH." Itu dah macam menghalau pelanggan, paham tak? Dengan muka sengih-sengih kerang busuk, macam seronok sangat mempermainkan pelanggan. Baguslah tu. Memang aku pangkah dah KFC tu, sekali dengan Pizza Hut atas dia. Servis macam sampah.

Nah, ni tagline baru untuk KFC.

Picture by: Filzah Athirah

Dekat Facebook dah komplen. Dekat website pun dah komplen. Kita tunggu dan tengok apa reaksi/balasan dari pihak KFC. Kita tunggu.

hodohnya perangai!

Minggu lepas, aku berkesempatan melawat Masjid Kristal, salah sebuah ikon pelancongan di Terengganu. Dari kejauhan, persekitarannya nampak cantik, sedap mata memandang. Tapi, semakin dekat, semakin menyakitkan mata dan hati ini.

Kenapa? Nah! Ini jawapannya.

Ini, apa ni? Tak menyakitkan mata ke? Sepanjang-panjang walkway ni ada saja sampah. Sangatlah tipikal meleis macam ni. Padahal kat belakang tu bukan takde tong sampah. Tapi inilah dia, PEMALAS! Dasar perangai meleis yang memalukan. Nak ikutkan kat Masjid Kristal tu, tempat beribadah sebetulnya. Dan seingat aku, Islam itu menyukai akan kebersihan.

Cakap tak serupa bikin, kata orang. Bersih tang mananya ni, mai habaq sat. Minum air, buang botol/cawan merata. Kenyang perut, tinggalkan saja bekas makanan. Apa ada hal, ye dak? Bukan kerja kau nak cuci semua, ye dak?

Kalau bukan kita sendiri yang nak jaga kebersihan tempat-tempat tarikan macam Masjid Kristal ni, siapa lagi yang nak jaga. Aku nampak siap ada yang sanggup sumbat botol Tropicana Twister kat celah ukiran di kaki lima lagi. Dok dang je nak ambik gambor. Takde sivik ke? Takde kesedaran? Huh. Takdelah tu. Otak letak bawah ketiak masam la tu. Cantik sangat perangai.

Inilah dia perangai orang kita. Hodoh sehodoh-hodohnya. Macam tak ada didikan yang sepatutnya. Macam ni gayanya nak memajukan industri pelancongan negara kita? Tak payahlah. Macam ni nak menunjukkan identiti kita sebagai negara Islam? Lupakan ajelah, lupakan. Benda asas macam menjaga kebersihan pun tak reti.

Sedih.

starbucks' epic fail

So Starbucks has introduced it's Starbucks Card, which functions like a debit card for Starbucks only. And you will even get rewarded for your purchases. After certain amount of purchases of course. So, being the Starbucks' enthusiast myself (yela, yela, aku elitis!), I got myself the card. I was planning to get the Starbucks' 2012 planner with my purchases.

And guess what? When nearing to my 15th purchase (that's how much purchases needed to redeem the planner), the tracker stopped updating my reward. Horror!

So you see, my last purchase was on 10th January 2012. My tracker was showing 13 beverages purchased before I made that purchase. I bought a Valencia Frappucino and Valencia Macchiato on 10th January. So the tracker should show 15 beverages, right? Right?

Wrong! It remains 13 beverages purchased. So I made a report to their customers service and they said it will be solved in 2 days. I called on the 12th January 2012. Both screen shots were taken today. And what date is it today? Again, what date is it today? Yes, correct.

Disappointed? You bet I am. One week and a day has passed since I made my last purchase. 6 days after I made a report. World-class much? Think again.

murder on the dance floor

She glanced at the clock on the right side at bottom of her white Dell laptop. 5:47 PM. She won't be able to make it today, she thought to herself. She drummed her fingers on the desk, her foot tapping impatiently to some unheard music. She could feel the bile rising in her throat. She bit her lower lips hard as she went through her Facebook's news feed. Same old, same old. She switched to Twitter. The timeline was filled with tiger avatars in various forms, even in the form of the popular Tiger Balm. She smiled. Had to. The spirits were high, obviously.

She took another glance at the person across. Her patience limit at an all-time high. She turned the ring on her right ring finger around and around. Even the tiger avatars could not cheer her up anymore. 5:54 PM. She reached for her mobile. 

"Mama balik dulu." she typed and pressed the 'Send' button. Her heart cried at the thought of having to bear with the ever-so-efficient KTM Komuter. She sighed, resigned to her fate as she listened to the chatter of that person across. She typed in the pig's icon in the open Yahoo! Messenger's window.

"Oh, it's very easy. I can do it by myself actually," after what it seemed like an eternity, the person across her desk said nonchalantly. Her fingers tensed. 6:02 PM.

She saw red. Only red. She got up. Rage boiled in her. Slowly she walked towards the desk across.

"Tahu tak hari ni final match Harimau Malaya lawan Indonesia? Tahu tak!? Tadi kau yang beria suruh aku tunggu sebab nak edit dokumen? Punya setia aku dok menunggu macam tunggul, siap mesej mak aku suruh dia balik dulu sebab tunggu kau. In the end kau cakap kau boleh buat sendiri! Ambik ni! Ambik! Ambik!" she grabbed the black netbook and beat that man senselessly on the head. After 15 minutes of rage, witnessed by the young lady from a foreign country, the man slumped unconsciously on the desk. His head a bloody mess.

A smile curled up her lips. Satisfied, she put the netbook back on the desk and walked back to her place. She took a deep breath. And laughed maniacally. Oh, so much fun! She thought.

Yeah, right. In my head. All in my head. 6:52 PM. All alone in the office typing this shit. Blegh.

alkisah pelancong pak arab

Aku benci kebanyakan pelancong dari Timur Tengah. Serius aku benci. Ye, diorang penjana ekonomi negara. Ye, diorang belanja banyak di bumi bertuah ni. Tapi sesungguhnya, perangai mereka yang merasakan kedudukan mereka yang lebih tinggi dari orang lain membuatkan aku tersangat benci dan meluat dengan pelancong dari negara-negara Timur Tengah.

Pak Arab ni kebanyakannya rasa darjat dan kedudukan diorang lagi tinggi dari orang lain. Superiority. Diorang rasa diorang banyak duit, keturunan Nabi Muhammad S.A.W., diorang boleh pijak kepala bangsa lain. Bangsat sungguh perangai mereka ni. Serius. Dalam beberapa minggu kebelakangan ni, company aku handle dua family Arab. Dua saja. Tapi sakit kepala macam handle pelancong lima bas.

Alkisah Pertama

Pak Arab ni nak duduk hotel bertaraf 4 atau 5 bintang sahaja. 3 bintang, sebelah mata pun tak pandang. Tapi yang kelakar, harga hotel nak yang 3 bintang. Jadah apa? Satu keluarga ni, sendiri minta satu hotel di Langkawi yang agak popular. 4 bintang. Dah sampai, boleh pulak komplen bilik kecik. Nak tukar hotel yang lagi satu, adik beradik hotel ni jugak. Mengada sungguh. Kau yang mintak, lepas tu kau pulak komplen?

Alkisah Kedua

Family Pak Arab ni bukan besar pun, 2 dewasa dengan sorang anak kecik. Tapi kebanyakan operator pelancongan tahu, beg Pak Arab ni bukan kecik anak. Beg diorang boleh bawak masuk orang dewasa. So selalunya, operator akan provide van untuk diorang. Oi, ni Pak Arab oi! Tak main la van. Takde kelassss! Kurang-kurang nak MPV la. Avanza ke, Innova ke, Estima ke. Ni bagi van? Ewwww. Itulah perangai Pak Arab. Nak kereta atau MPV sahaja. Van tidak mahu. Mengada sungguh.

Alkisah Ketiga

Di KL, minta hotel taraf 4 bintang jugak. Tengah kota weh. Bukan hotel lekeh ni, hotel yang popular jugak. Dia sendiri mintak nak hotel ni. Ye, dia yang mintak. Kitorang cadangkan hotel lain, tak mau. Nak hotel nan satu ni jugak. Okeylah, customers are always right kan? Sampai hotel, guess what? Komplen lagi. Bilik kecik. Mengada tak? Mengada kannnn! Nak duduk bilik lain, nak Club Room. Pundek dia Club Room! Kalau dia nak bayar lebih takpe jugak. Mengada tahap cipan goreng berlada.

Alkisah Keempat

Ni yang terjadi hari ini. Satu family nak balik dah. Alhamdulillah, syukur dah nak balik. Kurang sakit kepala. Satu hari aku cari driver semalam, nak buat transfer out. Sampai pukul 11 malam pun aku dok cari driver lagi. Sebab driver asal ada family emergency, ada ahli keluarga dia meninggal. Nasib baik aku jumpa jugak driver. Pukul 11 pagi sepatutnya transfer. Pukul 11.30 driver call kata Pak Arab belum turun. Okey, takpe. Pak Arab ni tak pernahnya punctual, macam KTM.

Dalam pukul 11.45, driver call sekali lagi. Dia kata Pak Arab nak van. Aku ulang, Pak Arab nak V.A.N. Aku dah hantar driver yang bawak Camry. Camry bukan kereta bodoh weh. Okey, driver aku dengan baik hatinya panggil kawan dia yang bawak van. Van sampai, dia buat hal lagi. Tahu apa Pak Arab tu nak? Dia nak van bawak beg dia pergi airport. Dan dia nak Camry tu bawak dia. Ya, van untuk beg sahaja. Beg yang 5 ketul yang sederhana besar. Yang boleh muat dalam Camry.

Tahu apa perasaan aku? Aku rasa nak bawak senapang pergi hotel tu, tembak Pak Arab tu kat kepala sambil kata "Eat shit and go to hell!"

wordless wednesday #2 - "i'm a douchebag yang tak reti nak queue"

khurafat: ini bukan sebuah review

22 Januari 2011, GSC Mid Valley Megamall (Hall 12) - Tiket untuk tayangan filem Khurafat arahan Syamsul Yusof pada pukul 1.45 petang dilaporkan habis dijual. Itu pun menurut observasi penulis sendiri ketika duduk di dalam panggung menunggu iklan habis ditayangkan sambil mengunyah bertih jagung yang rangup dan enak.

Kira-kira jam 2 petang, lampu panggung dipadamkan dan tayangan filem Khurafat dimulakan. Penulis merasakan bahawa permulaan filem tersebut agak boleh tahan dan seperti menjanjikan sesuatu yang lebih baik. Penulis sehingga sanggup menyerahkan bertih jagung kepada adiknya untuk memberi fokus yang dalam kepada filem itu.

Namun begitu, apabila detik filem memasuki fasa takut-tak-takut, terdengar suara-suara yang kurang enak dari belakang dan sebaris tempat duduk penulis. Detik tidak best ini terjadi apabila Aishah (Liyana Jasmay), isteri kepada Johan (Syamsul) melihat hantu yang lebih menakutkan dari hantu Ju-On merangkak menaiki tangga rumahnya.

"Eee... suami dia tak dengar ke?"
"Eee... tak suka la cerita hantu macam ni!"
"Eh, kenapa diorang tidur sorang pusing arah lain, sorang arah lain?"

Ketika ini penulis berasa teramat menyampah dengan suara-suara sumbang tersebut lantas terus menyuarakan rasa bebal terhadap meleis-meleis itu melalui Twitter. Penonton di barisan J, kerusi 15 dan 16 amatlah mencabar kesabaran penulis dalam menghayati ketakutan filem Khurafat dan ketrampilan Syamsul Yusof sebagai pengarah, pelakon dan pen-rapper filem tersebut.

Beberapa minit kemudian, suara-suara sumbang pula kedengaran dari barisan I, tempat duduk 10 hinga 14.

"Heee... nanti hantu keluar!"
"Kenapa macam tu?"
"Kenapa macam ni"

Sambil kaki mereka menendang tempat duduk penulis dan juga adik penulis di sebelah. Tidak terlampau jika dikatakan bila-bila masa sahaja penulis dan adik beliau sendiri akan menjadi hantu yang lebih menakutkan dari hantu Anna.

Minat penulis pada ketika itu untuk menghayati hasil karya anak Datuk Yusof Haslam terus lenyap dibawa suara-suara gedik nak mampos meleis-meleis di barisan J dan I. Maka penulis meluahkan segala rasa di dalam Twitter. Adik penulis pula memberi amaran kepada meleis di barisan J untuk memperlahankan suara mereka, namun nampaknya mereka cuma akan faham bahasa tapak tangan. Kami teror, tapi kami bukan terrorist.

Tiada langsung ketakutan bersarang di jiwa penulis, sekalipun apabila melihat Johan membawa mayat yang sudah siap dikapan berlari di dalam hutan. Takut sikit je bila tengok muka hantu Anna tercongok kat dalam keranda. Oh. Dengan takut sikit je bila hantu Anna skodeng Aishah kat tingkap bilik.

Secara kesimpulannya, penulis tidak berapa menghayati filem yang khabarnya sudah mengutip untung kasar RM 2 juta something ni. Nak jerit pun tak berapa nak feel. Kalau jerit kat meleis barisan J dan I mungkin adalah lebih feel. Tapi lakonan Sabrina Ali sebagai Anna adalah mantap. Boleh tak you pergi kacau malaun barisan J dan I yang bising tu malam ni, wahai Anna? Please, please, please? Lakonan Syamsul masih ada ruang untuk diperbaiki. Dan Cik Liyana Jasmay sebagai isteri? Uh, maaf, penulis tidak berapa nak boleh telan.

Nasihat penulis, kalau anda rasa nak menonton filem ini, pastikan anda beli semua seat di barisan hadapan dan belakang anda dan juga semua seat di barisan anda untuk mengelakkan komentari secara live yang amat menyakitkan hati. Atau lebih afdal tunggu Astro Box Office. Atau kalau dah kedekut taik hidung masin sangat, sila tunggu tayangan filem ini di Aidilfitri nanti.

Sekian dulu bukan-sebuah-review dari saya, Ummi Farhana Zulkifli. Semoga meleis-meleis yang disebutkan di atas membaca penulisan saya ini dan segera bertaubat sebelum hantu Anna skodeng anda di tingkap.

Seat penulis adalah bernombor 13. Malang sekali.
Eh, khurafat doh!

serabut my kepala otak

Dah confirm hari Rabu start cuti Raya. Dah confirm nak balik kampung hari Rabu. Tak confirm lagi Raya jatuh hari Khamis atau Jumaat. Dah confirm harus balik ke KL hari Selasa sebab Rabu start kerja balik walaupun Khamis tu cuti umum.

Tapiiii...

Melihatkan beban kerja yang ada, macam misi mustahil untuk siapkan semua by Selasa. Rasa macam nak siat-siat orang pun ada. Orang lain nak Raya, ada pulak orang yang nak ke obersi. Ya, aku faham, urusan kerja/penting. Tapi kalau dah tahu nak ke obersi masa nak dekat Raya, tak boleh ke setelkan awal-awal? Ni lagi dua tiga hari lagi nak pergi baru la terhegeh-hegeh nak minta apply visa, nak booking tiket, nak booking hotel, nak tu nak ni. Serabut my kepala otak ok!

Lagi dua tiga hari nak pergi, nak suruh booking tiket kapal terbang ingat senang? Ingat travel agent ni boleh buat magic macam David Blaine? Tiket mahal, bising. Seat takde, bising. Ya, aku tau, customers are always right. Dari perspektif customer, memangla kamu je yang betul. Aku pun kalau di tempat customer, aku je yang betul. Tapi ada reti nak bertimbang rasa sikit tak? Aih... serabut my kepala otak!

Kadang-kadang fikir, I am better off quitting this shitty job. Pagi ni saja dah lebih sembilan kali angkat telefon "Hello, good morning, ******* Travel," sampai kering air liur. But but but, I love this shitty job. Aku suka buat quotation untuk klien yang nak melancong ke Malaysia. Aku suka arrangekan pengangkutan dan tempat tinggal mereka. Dan yang paling aku suka, bila mereka kata "My holiday is very nice!". It gives me the ultimate satisfaction.

Dan tiba-tiba aku terperasankan sesuatu. Yang suka buat last minit ni semua orang Malaysia. Nak visa dua hari atau sehari sebelum bertolak, orang Malaysia. Nak tiket kapal terbang 36 jam sebelum bertolak, orang Malaysia. Nak book hotel lima jam sebelum check in, orang Malaysia jugak. Tipikal sungguh. Maka aku kena jadi superwoman untuk menunaikan permintaan-permintaan sebegini. Serabut my kepala otak ok!

Dah tau banyak kerja, kejadah yang dok tulis blog lagi ni? Tak reti-reti nak sambung kerja? Nak tulis blog, pergi kerja gomen!. Dah, dah. Sambung kerja!

don't make me repeat myself

I should've give meself a pat on the back. Why? Because I've been staying away from McDonald's, KFC, Kenny Rogers and all the fast food for about three weeks now. Three weeks?! Holy shlamoly! I kid you not, ladies and gentlemen. It's a tremendous feat for me. Seriously, yo. 3 weeks is like... pure torture. Oh, the temptations! You can't even start to imagine. I pass by McDonald's two times a day every Monday to Friday. And Saturday if I have to work. Temptation, indeed. I even stay away from Coke. Coke, my friends. Coke as in my most favorite drink in the whole wide world. Telan air liur aku sambil menaip ni.

The reason I've been avoiding all those yummy treats? I just think that it is time for me to ease off the fast food. And to challenge myself to see how long can I stand not consuming a Big Mac and the french fries. Excuse me while I wipe the drool off my chin. I am pretty determined, no? Three weeks. Even I'm amazed with myself. And no, it has got nothing to do with boikot-barangan-Yahudi thingy. Whatever opinion I have on that matter, I'll keep it to myself, thank you very much. Not that you care, right?

Speaking of McDonald's, it reminds me of this one... uhh... experience, for lack of better word, I had. Remember that sometimes McDonald's will give out their discount coupons for their set meals? Yeah, the one where you can get at least 10% off your Big Mac meal. Well, I got the vouchers at one time (no surprise there). So one day, as I was queuing up to buy my Big Mac set, I noticed that the expiry date of the vouchers are on that very day. I still had lots of voucher that time. And my thought at that time was "Ish... sayangnye..."

So what did I do?

I started to offer the vouchers to the people who were queuing up there as well! How nice I was, eh? Some people were skeptical at first that it make me felt like saying "Hei, makcik, nampak tak muka saya ni muka orang baik-baik?", which of course I refrained from doing. Most people accepted the coupons happily while saying 'Thank you' profusely. It made me happy. Really, it did.

But... Yes, there is a but.

There were these two young ladies, smartly dressed, queuing up as well. When I offered the coupons to them, they looked at me as if I'm crazy. And they were like "Betul ke ni?". I was feeling murderous at that time just by looking at their reaction. But I kept the smile on my face and told them the coupons are genuine. And they went "Takpelah. Kitorang tak pakai kupon ni." with these it's-not-like-we-don't-have-money-like-you faces. Wah! That, my friends, is what I call first-class bitches! Please excuse my Spanish. Really. Even though I had like ten more coupons, I just stopped offering them. I tore the coupons into pieces and threw it away.

It killed my giving mood. My generosity vanished. Poof! Look, bitches, I know you can afford like ten sets of McDonald's meals. But that doesn't mean you can look down on other people. What or who gives you that right? If you don't want it, just say "No, thank you" politely. Is it bloody hard to do so? Okay, okay. Let me take a deep breath first. Phew. Fine. They paid extra for their meals. Their choice. Lantak kau. Pergi mampus sana. End of the story.

So, I haven't had McDonald's for three weeks. Can I survive until Ramadhan? Err...

orang malaysia kena cakap (bahasa) melayu

I am a Malaysian. A proud one at that, if I may add. But as I'm writing this entry entirely in English, does that make me a lesser Malaysian than others? What, if I may ask, is the essence of a true Malaysian? That he/she speaks only Bahasa Malaysia/Bahasa Melayu (the term keeps changing from time to time that I've lost track of the correct term)? So let's say, hypothetically, that I was born in Malaysia, but raised in Russia. My Malay vocabulary is limited to 'Terima kasih', 'Ya' and 'Tak'. Does that mean I'm not a Malaysian? Even if I have a myKad?

Wait. Does that mean UiTM is un-Malaysia(n)? Because as far as I know, all the subjects in UiTM (except CTU) are taught in English. How so very un-Malaysia(n) this UiTM. All those Malay/Bumiputra students, and English is the main language? Boycott UiTM students! Boo! Tak orang Malaysia la budak-budak UiTM ni! Buat malu je mengaku orang Melayu! Bangga sangat cakap bahasa penjajah. Oops. Did I just write in Bahasa Malaysia/Melayu? Orang Malaysia kena cakap Bahasa Melayu.

Even a certain minister once made a statement that speaking English in the workplace is "weird" and harmful to the nation's culture and identity. Oh wow. I guess I should just converse with my Russian boss in Malay. Who cares if he understand or not? The main point is I don't want to be accused of being a weirdo and polluting the nation's culture and identity. Polluting. Yeah. Big word there, ladies and gentlemen. Petronas should stop polluting the nation's culture and identity. MAS should do the same. And Air Asia, too. And all the 5-star hotels. Weirdos all of them. Boo!

Tell me again, between a Malay-only-speaking Malaysian graduate and Malay-and-English-speaking Malaysian graduate, who will you choose to work in your company? Right. The Star, New Straits Time and The Sun should be barred from publishing their newspapers. They are harmful to the nation's culture and identity. Orang Malaysia kena cakap Bahasa Melayu. Eh. Wait. I'm doing it right now. I'm polluting and harming the nation's culture and identity! Gasp. It's a blasphemy! Right, right.

Jadi bila saya berbicara dan menulis/menaip dalam Bahasa Melayu barulah saya dikatakan orang Malaysia? Hanya dengan berbahasa kebangsaan saya tidak akan mencemarkan dan merosakkan identiti dan budaya Malaysia? Maafkan saya tetapi pada pendapat saya, itu adalah tahi lembu semata-mata! Bahasa Inggeris adalah satu bahasa yang universal, bahasa di mana ilmu berpaksi. Keluarlah dari bawah tempurung anda itu. Buka minda luas-luas. Jangan kerana kalian tidak boleh berbahasa Inggeris, kalian harus memperlekehkan bahasa itu. 'Bahasa penjajah' kononnya. Yang terkinja-kinja "Under my umbrella ella ella ella" tu tak pula dikatakan bahasa penjajah ya?

We're not the third world country. It's time we stop thinking like one. Or acting like one. Stop embarrassing yourself with idiotic statements like that. I'm a Malaysian. A proud Malaysian. I can speak Malay. A damn good one at that, too. I was born and raised in Malaysia by Malaysian parents and relatives. I'm so freaking Malaysian that a lawyer will die first before proving it otherwise. And speaking English does not make me a lesser Malaysian. And I certainly am not doing any pollution or harm to the nation's culture and identity. Maybe the minister should start coming up with less idiotic statements from now on.



I got both of those comments from PM's facebook. That triggered this entry. Those are your typical bahasa-Inggeris-bahasa-penjajah Malaysian. I bet they don't speak English at their workplace. And I bet their facebook's default language is Bahasa Melayu. And I bet they are not UiTM students. And I bet that no one else is as proud to be Malaysian as they are.

it ain't broken, ain't it?

Look, I understand that we all need to keep ourselves updated from time to time. We need to evolve, to develop. And what's the reason for that? To make ourselves BETTER. But I guess this one does not applicable to facebook.

It can be so frigging frustrating to use facebook nowadays after their so-called update. Soon after the update was revealed, I had difficulties to sign into my account. I can't read message and I can't approve friend requests. And the most annoying part of it? The 'Live Feed' thingy. Seriously, do I need to know who my friends be friend with? Or which artist/organization they become fan of? Or which event they'll be attending? Do I really need to keep tab of their every single activity on facebook? No, morons! It's cluttering up the feed, you bozos!

The old facebook worked just fine for me. I was happy with it. It was simple. It was easy, breezy and beautiful (okay, too much ANTM there for me). Do we really need to add more clutter and complications to our lives? Come on, be practical. Yes, I know there are tutorials and manuals to manage the new facebook but do you really think that all the facebook-ers will read it? Don't bet your ass they will.

Even if I set my facebook accordingly, but my friends don't, what's the use? I'll still see the messy feed. I'll still see that 'Jane is now friends with Tom, Dick and Harry'. Do you have any idea at all how annoying can that be? It gives me the headache!

facebook was never broken in the first place. Then why oh why in the world should you go and fix it? You're not even fixing it. You're ruining facebook! I truly hate the new facebook. Now, it is broken. Fix it!

taking it up a notch higher

After the Balinese Pendet dance furor, the Indonesians, especially the media have been kept busy digging the stuff of the past. Now, apparently, we, the Malaysians, even stole the NegaraKu song from them! This is fast becoming another episode from one of their sinetrons, really.

Here's a brief history about our national anthem I quoted directly from Wikipedia:

"Negaraku" (My Country) is the national anthem of Malaysia. "Negaraku" was selected as a national anthem at the time of the Federation of Malaya's independence from Britain in 1957. The tune was originally used as the state anthem of Perak, which was adopted from a popular French melody composed by the lyricist Pierre-Jean de Béranger.

Notice any mention of Indonesia? I don't. The lyricist was born and died in Paris, France. Any Indonesian relations? Nope. None at all.

The anthem was also recorded in c. 1936 by Conductor Paul Lambard (also known as Paul LOMBARD and His Orchestra), and sung by Joan Wilton (in English) duet with Geotti Brooke (in Malay) released by Columbia Records (Magic Notes series) in New South Wales, Australia; Carrying the song number (CT2763); Columbia Catalogue Reference D0-3460. The song runs 2:50. This record was found to be earlier than the recording of Felix Mendholsson's version of Mamula Moon as in the late 40's most songs are themed and modified to the Hawaiian tune and mainly was done by most famous orchestra conductors such as Victor Sylvester and Mantovani.

The significance of this piece of recording where it is only playable on gramophones running at speed 78 rpm is that the background music conducted so similarly to the Malayan style of music background, setting the originality and authentic Malayan atmosphere to the tune. The song was performed by non-natives (Australians) singing in both English and Malay. The lyrics present a love story setting between the two lovers. The song is titled as 'Malayan Moon' and the other side of the record is the song 'Planting Rice' also performed by Paul Lambard accompanied by Vocal Chorus by Joan Wilton. This piece of record was a copyright under Southern Music Co. of Sydney.

Again, I don't see any reference to Indonesia. So where the hell does this song-stealing allegation came from? As far as I'm concerned, both Indonesia and Malaysia plagiarized the song. What makes the Indonesians think that it is okay for them to do it but not us? And what, may I ask, is the actual agenda for the media in Indonesia to accuse us of such thing?

Here's a quote from The Jakarta Globe regarding the national anthem debacle:

An executive of Lokananta, a state recording company based in Solo has drawn attention to Malaysia’s national anthem, “Negaraku,” claiming that it is suspiciously similar in tune to “Terang Bulan,” a song written by the Bandung Ensemble and first recorded by Lokananta in March 1956 — a year before Malaysia’s independence was announced on Aug. 31, 1957.

Well, hello, look up the freaking facts, you morons! The freaking "Terang Bulan" song was A.D.A.P.T.E.D from the song that was written by the Frenchman! Speaking of originality, where in the world could yours be?

And to top it all of, a bunch of idiots Indonesian hackers on Monday claimed to have attacked scores of Malaysian Web sites. Monday. On our very own National Day. A statement from the hackers themselves:

Today, Aug. 31, 2009, an uncreative country, a country who likes to steal Indonesian culture, a country whose citizen is the mastermind of bombings in Indonesia, a country who has tortured many of our sisters — the migrant workers who worked there, a country who abused our national anthem, a country who harassed Indonesia on the Internet, a country that has stolen Sipadan and Ligitan islands, a country which has trespassed our water illegally, a country which received their independence from Britain, is celebrating its anniversary.

As good Indonesian citizens, we will celebrate their independence in our own way. We are celebrating by undertaking a mass attack on the country’s Web sites.

So very grown up, eh? Good citizens, eh? Maybe you people should just ask your so-called good citizens here in Malaysia to go back to your country. At least we Malaysians will feel a bit safer. Don't pretend like you don't know what I'm trying to say. Look into the mirror first before you start pointing out the ugliness of others.

the audacity for one to be so freaking BODOH

I just cannot stand stupid people. Oops. I'm sorry. Stupid is a mean word, I know, but I just can't help it. It's Monday morning after all. Excuse me while I rant...

Click image to enlarge

Gila bodoh bangang kau ni, bai. Mask pun kau nak kerajaan subsidize??? What a jerk. Hari-hari kalau aku bukak je YM ni mesti tengok status kau kerajaan gitu, kerajaan gini. And now you want the government to subsidize your fucking mask? Dude, please stop this stupidity. It's killing me! Kau belajar kat UiTM, tapi mentaliti taraf Pak Abu yang tau tepuk meja kat kedai kopi je siang malam. Seriously, dude, you're such an embarassment.

Kalau kau takut sangat mati sebab H1N1, jangan keluar rumah la bai. Duduk rumah diam-diam, kunci pintu semua. Jangan bagi orang datang rumah kau. Disinfect rumah kau tu pakai Dettol sepuluh tan. Pakai hazard suit. Oh wait. Nanti kau mintak kerajaan subsidize Dettol dengan hazard suit pulak kan. I know, kau pergi duduk dalam hutan je la, habis cerita. Bab mengutuk kerajaan, bukan main lagi kau tapi mask yang RM 1.00 tu je pun kau nak minta subsidi. Bodoh amat kau ni.

I'm no pro-government. Not anti-government either. I'm reasonable. I'm sensible. I don't ask the government to subsidize my mask. I've never heard of it until today. Dumb schmuck. Some people, they will always remain stupid even if they went to college. Seriously. Seriously stupid.

giving up

There are times when I look back and I regret. I'm trying hard to hold on tight to the 'Never Regret' mantra but it's tough not to regret after so many years of life. Most of all, I regret for being nice. Yes, I am regretful for being nice and generous. It's just so hurtful when the nicety or generosity is repaid with arrogance and hate. It hurts bad and it makes me crave blood.

And it is even harder to swallow when it is your own flesh and blood...

The story of my life, ladies and gentlemen.

I am not perfect and never shall I be...

I acted out of consideration when I borrowed out my stuff. Borrowed. Not gave. But then again, in family, the term borrow is practically non-existent. So to get back your very own stuff is like... impossible. I'm not the kind of person that will ungkit the past. I tend to forget and move on. But it is hard to move on when you are reminded time and time again how you are being treated by your own flesh and blood.

Need money? Fine. No guarantee to pay me back? Also fine. Never mind that I am piss poor at times. Never mind that I have very little on my own. I help whenever I can.

Need USB drive. Sure, sure. Take mine and lost it. I don't mind at all.

Need functional handphone? Here you go, take this one. Then, when I'm using it, ask for the phone back in a very rude manner. Let the whole world know I'm using *your* phone. No problemo.

My laptop is ancient, so you can use my laptop charger. Sure, sure. I don't mind. Not at all.

Your lappie is broken and you use mine, I don't mind. You asked me to give the lappie to my boyfriend so that he can see what's wrong then you bitched about it, I don't mind it too. When I change the password on my lappie, you can bitch about me. Again, I don't mind.

You fight with each other and then you blamed me. And you wish that you never had a sister like me. Fret not. Your wish will come true.

Now that is what I call ungkit! I don't give a fuck anymore. I've had enough. I've cried enough tears to last me a century. I apologize enough that it makes me feel like I'm worthless. And I feel like I'm slipping into a depression so deep I just want to take my own life.

And so with this, I concede defeat. I'm giving it all up. I'm totally fucked up. I don't care anymore. Let me be in my own world. I don't want to be the big sister anymore. I give up. That's it.

hitam itu menawan?

Hitam manis mungkin.

Kalau hitam berkilat kereta rasmi kerajaan dan kerabat diraja pun mungkin menawan.

Tapi... kalau hitam mamat-mamat dari negara luar yang tidak mahu saya sebutkan?

Oh tidakkkkk!!! Jauh panggang dari api. Seburuk mana khabar, lebih buruk rupa. And it is not even funny. Not to me, anyway.

In general, I'm not a racist person. But you have to admit, at one point, we are all racist, albeit a mild one. Dan dengan terang-terangan, saya mengaku saya amatlah tidak suka dengan mamat-mamat hitam yang semakin membanjiri negara kita ini. Bukan setakat tidak suka, I am mostly annoyed and teriffied of them.

Last Saturday alone I was followed twice by different people of the same type. Mula-mula cakap 'Hello', tapi bila tak diberi respon mulalah mengikut. Sebenarnya, samada diberi respon atau tak, tetap akan ikut jugak. But it is safer not responding to them. But yet, do I feel safe? The answer is no, I do not feel safe at all. The incident took place at my very own territory, near to my house. Where I should feel safe and yet, safe is something far out of my mind.

Mungkin saya ialah seorang drama queen dengan mengeluarkan kenyataan seperti ini tapi the fact is, I was scared. Last Saturday bukanlah kejadian yang pertama yang saya alami tapi dah tak tau yang kali keberapa. Mamat-mamat hitam yang tidak segan silu menghampiri dan menegur. Pernah terjadi sekali di KL Sentral, when I was about to go home after work. Seorang mamat hitam menghampiri tanpa disedari. Jujur cakap, saya sedar bau yang tak best terlebih dahulu sebelum sedar akan kehadiran si mamat hitam.

Mamat hitam bercakap tentang persahabatan, memuji kecantikan yang ada dan yang paling best, mamat hitam offer nak bawak pergi shopping. Oh ya. Mamat hitam jugak ajak ke rumahnya. I looked at him from head to toe. Dia ingat aku sengkek ke yang nak bawak aku shopping? Ok, maybe aku sengkek la tapi takdela sampai terdesak nak terima offer mamat hitam ni. Looking at him, I felt like laughing out loud. Baju lusuh. Pakai selipar Jepun. Pakai telefon Nokia zaman Jurassic Park. Muka macam tak mandi seminggu. Bau jangan katala. And he wanted to take me for shopping? Ridiculous pun tak dapat menggambarkannya dengan tepat.

Pernah baca atau tengok berita ini? I wasn't surprised, my friends. Terlalu ramai golongan mereka ini yang berumah dan bertangga di Kepong. Come to my place and I'll show you. Ada yang lebih daring, open table dan minum beer secara terbuka di tepi jalan. Kepong dah jadi pusat pengumpulan rakyat-rakyat asing yang entah dari mana datang mereka. Kalau ke kedai mamak yang dekat rumah tu, rasa dah macam pijak negara asing. Macam-macam jenis orang, macam-macam jenis bahasa ada. Tauke mini market pun bukan orang Malaysia sendiri. Kalau masuk cyber cafe yang dikendalikan beberapa orang Nepal, bersepah-sepah mamat hitam ni. Bau mereka dalam tempat tertutup tu, menusuk kalbu gitu.

Mamat-mamat hitam ni memang tak ada humility langsung. Dia pakai redah je. Dia 'wassup-wassup' (what's up) suka hati dia je. Selagi tak ada respon selagi tu dia ulang. Siap cakap "I'm talking to you". Macamla kita ni pekak. Bukan pekak, buat-buat je pekak. I hate it. I truly hate it. I hate the fact that I don't feel safe even near to my home. I hate the fact that our country is not only flooded with those so-called cheap labors, but also with foreign thugs who vie upon local girls to do their dirty business.

Kalau dengan kenyataan ini saya dilabelkan sebagai racist, then so be it.

ini wilayah celcom!

Yesterday...
- Dik, celcom ko ok ke mcm b@bi?
- Mcm b@bi a/l lembu!

A week ago...
- Dik, celcom ko ok x?
- Mcm cib@i!

Bukannya pakai prepaid. Postpaid ok! Still the network is so bloody crappy. I've been using Hotlink for years and none of the above conversation ever happened. And then lagi itu blue-shirt Celcom punya orang mau sua-sua itu so-called free SIM card!

"Kak, ambikla kak, kita bagi free je ni!"
"Amoi, lu angkat ni Celcom. Kita bagi free sama lu!"
"Miss, miss. Free Celcom SIM card. Please take one. Take two better!"

What the fish la wei!? Nak aje aku sound kan belia-belia tersebut. Celcom people, have you ever wonder why, even after iklan bagai nak rak menggunakan Steven Gerrard and John Terry and Ryan Giggs and sape lagi ntah, you still fail to be the number one telco provider? Because your service suck BIG TIME!

And don't let me start on those hidden charges. Konon-konon je call sini murah, call sana murah. Tengok bil, terbalik biji mata.

Ini wilayah Celcom: where crappy service comes with a high price!