the semi-existence of molten chocolate cake

One fine day, I was in a buoyant mood. Tiba-tiba dok berangan nak buat chocolate cake. But not just any chocolate cake, mind you.

No experience, no confidence. Just armed with a recipe, I wanted to attempt a chocolate cake just like THIS:

Far-reaching, I know. Shut up already. Berangan, tahu, berangan?

So, I took out all the ingredients and fired away...

Tak cuba, tak tahu, kan? Kan? Kan? I had to try it. The recipe looks pretty simple...

Recipe is from here.

I followed the recipe right to the T. I did not deviate even one bit. Okay, so I might've put in a little bit more chocolate than the recipe called for. Sikit je, bukan banyak pun. It's chocolate, what can I say?

And then...

Looks promising, no? Oh, by the way, I don't have those individual molds or ramekins. Hence the baking pan. Belasah je la. Janji ada.

And then...

The moment of truth...

No molten center.

Chocolate cake, yes.

With soft center.

Yep, it was slightly overbaked. Tsk tsk.

Was I disappointed? Yeah, just a little. I wanted to surprise the husband with the cake as he loves molten chocolate cake. But he ate the cake, nevertheless. And he went "Mmmm... dap!" Good enough for me. Next time, we'll just stick to Chili's lah. Hahaha!

And on the very same day, I overwhipped my cream. Yeah.

just the usual

Sometimes, I just want time to stop. So that I can stop, too.

I made a resolution not too long ago. I made a resolution not to whine or complain. Heh. What a bunch of bollocks. When did I ever stop whining? And complaining? When? Never. Yes, I am that ungrateful bitch. I know that, people.

I'm so tired. I'm feeling so tired nowadays, I just wanna drop and sleep the world away for months.

And I miss my dad.

I've been keeping everything burrowed under the lid, keeping it neutral. I go on with my life like I don't have one single worry in the world. I'm good at that. Practice makes perfect, y'know. But God knows just how much I miss my father. Years have gone by. Years. And I thought I'd get used to not having him around by now. Oh, I was so wrong.

Good God. I need to get a grip of myself.

And I hate my job, too, by the way.

the song that goes "sha la la la la"

I had a conversation with a friend yesterday...

Positive message. He's an optimist. While I'm a skeptic, a pessimist. Always am. Maybe I should write that in my Twitter's profile.

Sigh.

Kena usaha lagi.

Because I suffered yet another disappointment. Let's move on, anyway. Because that's what live is all about; moving on.

No crying, big girl. No crying. Even when your heart is shattered into million little pieces.

saying i love youuuu...

Note: This is an afterthought, or maybe, a continuum of this post.

I was looking at a magazine recently, a magazine called Inspirasi Perkahwinan. I was leafing through it when Hubster came back from his hunt for a football shoe. So then I arrived at this one page.

Mengapa Lelaki Berkahwin? (Why Men Got Married)

The title read. Amused, I read on. I think I arrived at reason #6 on why men got married when I turned to Hubster and showed the page to him.

"Abang yang ni eh?" I said jokingly while pointing at #6. Hubster read for a minute and shook his head.

"Bukan. Abang yang ni," Hubster pointed at reason #1. I smiled. He grinned. Oh, he didn't know how much his answer meant for me. Truth be told, I didn't care, really, on whichever reason he pointed at. I was joking, after all. But when he pointed to #1, it felt... good. It felt really really good.

#6 Bosan (Bored)

#1 Saling Melengkapi (Completes each other)

See why I went all gooey? He was saying that I complete him, and he completes me. Awwww...

In more ways than one, yes, we complete each other. And I'd rather think that we complement each other just nicely so. We balanced each other's traits quite nicely, too. Our good, our bad, we accept each other just the way it is. And we tolerate each other.

You see, my husband is an affectionate man. He's never stingy with words. Words like "Sayang isteri abang sangat-sangat" or "Comel la isteri abang ni". I hear those words on daily basis. And yes, I feel blessed and loved and grateful for such affections. Who won't want to hear those words coming from the person they love? I consider myself to be one of the luckiest women on earth right now.

But can my husband say the same thing about me?

No, I'm afraid not. While he is more open in expressing his love, I'm more reserved. It's not often that I utter my affection to him. It's not often that I express my love verbally towards him. And I realized, I'm not being fair. He's my husband, after all. Why am I being so reserved and modest with my own man? Hugs and kisses are different things. To me at least. Words, when spoken, gives a whole new perspective to what we try to express.

Why? I ask myself. Why am I so kedekut to say "I love you" to my husband? Even when there are only the two of us?

To some people, words means nil. Maybe. But for some others, words can mean a lot. To me, Hubster saying he loves me is like a magic potion that keeps me happy and content. I want Hubster to feel the same way as I do, too. And I'm gonna try and say the 'L' word as often as I can. Because I do love him. I really do. So much.

And I hope he's not gonna read this. Malu!!!

even tooth fairy can't do this

Last few days had been an agony for me. A tooth of mine was practically killing me. Nay, it's not toothache, to be exact. It's more of a tooth sensitivity which had been bothering me since forever. But the last two days, it had become so painfully intense that I was reduced to tears like a little baby girl.

Painkillers didn't help much. Yea, I downed some in desperation, but they worked only for a couple of hours and then I am back to my writhing and sobbing.

Even Hubster was helpless in this kind of situation. Bless him, though, for trying his best to lessen the pain.

And so yesterday evening, Hubster came home from work early and he said "Jom, klinik." Inwardly, I shuddered. Dentist. Gah! Hell, no! Hubster saying that was like "Jom, kita bungee jump dari SkyBridge KLCC." And in case you don't know, I am terrified of heights. Terrified. Yes. Seriously. I was seriously considered to stay writhing than see a dentist.

But of course, Hubster won't have any of that.

And so off we go to the dentist.

And to make the story short, I got a tooth pulled out. From the point where the dentist stuck his evil needle in my mouth to the point where my tooth got extracted by the mean-looking tool, it took less than 10 minutes. Unbelievable. I didn't even have the chance to go "I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die."

It was totally unlike what I had to go through last year. 5 times! 5 times I had to bear the needle last year. My tooth broke halfway, and the root had to be extracted separately. It was pure torture, I tell you. I never ever wanna go back there. Ever.

Thankfully, this dentist I went to was all cool and swift. He said "Tak sampai 5 minit pun!" when it came down to pulling the tooth out. He made good on his promise. Actually, it was around 2 minutes only. Phew.

Yes, I have irrational fear towards dentist. Don't judge.

awak sayang saya tak?

"Awak..."
"Hmm?"
"Awak sayang saya tak?"
"Sayang."
"Yeke?"
"Yela."
"Tu aje?"
"Maksud awak?"
"Yela... awak sayang saya banyak mana?"
"Banyak sangat."
"Hmm..."
"Tak puas hati la tu."
"Takdelah..."
"Yelah tu."
"Malas lah nak cakap dengan awak ni. Bye!"

Aku kira, dialog macam di atas sering terjadi antara sepasang kekasih. Aku rasalah. Aku tak banyak pengalaman tapi aku rasa aku pernah bertanyakan soalan macam di atas satu ketika dulu. Saja nak dengar jawapan dari pakwe masa tu. Perempuan suka sebenarnya dengan ayat-ayat cinta/romantis macam tu. Eh, yeke? Yelah kot. Aku kan perempuan, aku tau lah. Berbunga rasanya hati kalau sang kekasih cakap "Saya sayang awak" atau "I love you", tak gitu? Haruslah!

Dengan Encik Tunang, aku tak ingat aku pernah tanya tak soalan-soalan macam tu. Serius aku tak ingat. Pernah ke tanya? Tapi jujur cakap, aku tak terasa nak tanya. Ada perkara, kita tak perlu tanya. Dari gerak gaya, dari nada, dari perbuatan, kita boleh tau samada seseorang itu sayangkan kita atau tak. Lagi pun, lepas berapa kali bercouple, aku rasa soalan "Awak sayang saya tak?" ni dah semakin tak relevan. Kenapa? Sebab bagi aku, bila kita perlu tanya soalan macam tu, semacam kita rasa insecure dengan perhubungan yang sedia ada. Itu pada pandangan akulah.

Sebenarnya, pada pandangan aku, kata-kata sayang atau cinta tu, biarlah datang secara natural. Atau secara spontan. Kan lebih manis dan mengujakan macam tu? Kata-kata sayang/cinta tak perlu diminta-minta. Tak perlu juga dipaksa-paksa. Tak seronok macam tu. Macam tak ikhlas pun ada kan kan kan? Aku tau, orang perempuan yang suka sangat tanya soalan ni. Kalau jawab tak mengikut kehendak hati, mulalah muncung panjang sedepa, boleh buat gantung hanger. Eleh... toksah nak nipu akulah kata korang tak pernah buat camtu. Aku perempuan, aku tahulah!

Tapi kan kan kan... kenapa eh, kita selalu terlupa nak ucapkan kata-kata sayang tu pada ahli keluarga kita? Kalau kat pakwe ke, makwe ke, laju je. Hari-hari cakap "I love you! Muah muah muah!" kat SMS, kat YM, kat Twitter, kat Facebook, kat blog, kat mane-mane jelah. Sampai naik muak orang tengok. Tapi kalau kat mak ayah, takde pun nak muah muah muah. Ok, janganlah sampai muah muah muah. Kang orang tua tu kata korang buang tebiat. Cukup sekadar "I love you, mak!" atau "Love you, ayah!"

Malu? Sebenarnya aku pun sama jugak. Mama bukan jenis yang affectionate macam tu. Dia bab-bab macam cerita Hindustan ni kureng sikit. Tapi Hari Raya dan hari lahir Mama jadi hari istimewa, bila anak-anak peluk cium Mama dan tanpa segan-silu cakap "Love you, Mama!" Salah konsep ni. Patutnya hari-hari kena cakap dan buat. Tapi seriuslah, nanti Mama kata aku buang tebiat. So macam mana?

SMS?

Hantar e-mail?

Cakap depan-depan?

Isshhhh...

Takpelah, tunggu je lah 27 Disember nanti aku cakap kat Mama "I love you."

murder on the dance floor

She glanced at the clock on the right side at bottom of her white Dell laptop. 5:47 PM. She won't be able to make it today, she thought to herself. She drummed her fingers on the desk, her foot tapping impatiently to some unheard music. She could feel the bile rising in her throat. She bit her lower lips hard as she went through her Facebook's news feed. Same old, same old. She switched to Twitter. The timeline was filled with tiger avatars in various forms, even in the form of the popular Tiger Balm. She smiled. Had to. The spirits were high, obviously.

She took another glance at the person across. Her patience limit at an all-time high. She turned the ring on her right ring finger around and around. Even the tiger avatars could not cheer her up anymore. 5:54 PM. She reached for her mobile. 

"Mama balik dulu." she typed and pressed the 'Send' button. Her heart cried at the thought of having to bear with the ever-so-efficient KTM Komuter. She sighed, resigned to her fate as she listened to the chatter of that person across. She typed in the pig's icon in the open Yahoo! Messenger's window.

"Oh, it's very easy. I can do it by myself actually," after what it seemed like an eternity, the person across her desk said nonchalantly. Her fingers tensed. 6:02 PM.

She saw red. Only red. She got up. Rage boiled in her. Slowly she walked towards the desk across.

"Tahu tak hari ni final match Harimau Malaya lawan Indonesia? Tahu tak!? Tadi kau yang beria suruh aku tunggu sebab nak edit dokumen? Punya setia aku dok menunggu macam tunggul, siap mesej mak aku suruh dia balik dulu sebab tunggu kau. In the end kau cakap kau boleh buat sendiri! Ambik ni! Ambik! Ambik!" she grabbed the black netbook and beat that man senselessly on the head. After 15 minutes of rage, witnessed by the young lady from a foreign country, the man slumped unconsciously on the desk. His head a bloody mess.

A smile curled up her lips. Satisfied, she put the netbook back on the desk and walked back to her place. She took a deep breath. And laughed maniacally. Oh, so much fun! She thought.

Yeah, right. In my head. All in my head. 6:52 PM. All alone in the office typing this shit. Blegh.

this what surreal feels like

Alright. Most of you probably know about this already. I'm engaged. Yes, I am. I got engaged last Saturday, on the 10th of September. I kept the relationship to myself mostly and my family as previous relationships failed miserably. I want this one to work. And Alhamdulillah, it works fine so far. And I am officially engaged.

The rings.

So according to the elders, the engagement will go on, more or less, for about a year. In the meantime, we're to prepare for the Big Day. I'm sorry, I don't have much pictures to show off here as the engagement came as a surprise on that day. We're not very prepared. But thankfully, everything went off smoothly. We got engaged, nevertheless. And for me, it still feels a bit surreal. I'm still trying to digest the fact that I am now engaged to be married. For a year. Or less! Phew. It's quite overwhelming, to be honest. But I'm taking it all in a stride.

So now, a lot of things to be done. A year will go by in a blink, trust me. I'm getting married. Who could've believe that, eh? Even I, myself is having a hard time to believe it. Me, getting married? Oh wow. Wow. This is... this is... unreal. Gotta get used to it, no? Dang, I'm feeling nervous already. Deep breath, everyone, deep breath. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. Right.

Okay.

I still can't believe I'm engaged. And I'm getting married. Phew.

bahagian yang kurang rasional berbicara

Aku jarang buat benda gila. Gila, dalam erti kata lain, buat benda yang tak pernah aku buat selama ni. Tapi kadang-kadang, ada jugak aku buat. Contohnya, pergi Penang balik hari tanpa hala tuju. Saja-saja buat. Sebab aku rindu Penang. Kat Penang, pandai nak naik bas mana pergi sana sini. Kat KL? Komuter ada, LRT ada. Naik bas haram aku tak tahu. Angah je yang pandai. Dia siap hafal nombor bas.

Tapi tak tau kenapa dua tiga hari ni, bahagian aku yang kurang rasional mula berbicara. Perkara pertama yang aku tergerak nak buat ialah potong rambut. Sependek mungkin. Gila, tahu? Muka aku bulat macam bola. Kalau potong rambut sependek-pendeknya, terus nampak macam Jabulani.

Rambut paling pendek pernah aku ada. Gambar dolu-dolu. Jangan gelak.

Nama pun kurang rasional, nak buat perangai je kerja. Bikin pening kepala kau ni. Tapi takpe, normal sentiasa pun bosan jugak, kan? Sekali-sekala nak buat sesuatu dia luar kebiasaan, apa salahnya? Bukan nak terjun KLCC pun, potong rambut je. Okey, ayat penyedap hati. Sayang sebenarnya nak potong. Dah panjang. Tapi, tapi, tapi... sebenarnya aku malas nak jaga. Malas nak syampu kemudian letak perapi. Panas pulak tu. Okey, masa untuk berfikir.

Benda kedua yang kurang rasional aku nak buat, nak pi naik Genting. Seorang diri. Ini betul-betul tak rasional. Pertama sekali, apa jadah nak buat naik Genting sorang-sorang? Kedua, tak takut ke pi Genting sorang? Kalau orang culik macam mana? Kena pukau ke, ha? Nak main Space Shot sorang-sorang? Nak naik roller coaster sorang-sorang? Nak jalan-jalan sorang-sorang? Nak buat semuanya sorang-sorang?

Aku dah kata, kurang rasional. Orang lain kata kurang cerdik. Kalau Mama, dia mesti kata kerja bodoh.

Aku paling cemburu dengan yang ini.

Dah lama tak pi Genting. Orang lain pergi, aku kena tinggal sentiasa. Cemburu, tahu? Aku nak pergi sorang-sorang je lah macam gitu. Tapi sebenarnya ada sedikit tak berani. Tapi, siapa yang nak culik aku? Takde punya orang nak culik. Tak larat nak bawak oi. Apa salahnya enjoy seorang diri? Jalan-jalan, tengok ragam umat manusia, tengok kekasih berkasih-kasihan, tengok budak-budak bersuka ria. Macam best...

Aku kurang rasional. Jangan percaya sangat dengan apa yang tertulis di sini.

Okey, aku tipu. Benda ni boleh terjadi. Bila-bila masa. Bila bahagian yang kurang rasional menguasai diri.

i will be gone

I will be gone

Sooner or later

Today or tomorrow

I will be gone

I will be gone

Just when you thought

I will be around forever

You turn your head around

I will be gone

I will be gone

Just when you thought

I am just a phone call away

You dial the number

and I will be gone

I will be gone

If you are going to keep playing

this guessing game

If you are going to keep me

fumble around in the darkness

I will be gone

in just a matter of a second

I will be gone

Without you even noticing it

I will be gone

Without you even believing it

I will be gone

Without you asking me to go

I will be gone

and I won't even say goodbye

that near-to-death experience

Okay, the title is indeed a dramatic one. Over-the-top. So sue me.

I went to the dentist last Saturday. Horri-freaking-fying. Seriously. I'll let these screen captures tell you the story.

 Note: Read from the  bottom.

Note: Read from the  bottom.

Yes, I had a tooth removed. And yes, I am scared of dentist. I avoid going to dentist as long as I can. Always have bad experience with dentist. Since I was a little girl. Yeah, yeah, I'm a wimp. Don't have to tell me twice.

And here are some of the response I got from my *ehem* wimpy *ehem* tweets.

Now go laugh at me.

konspirasi illuminati?

Aku rasa memang konspirasi Illuminati la untuk mencarik-carikkan hati aku bila melangkah ke tahun baru ni. Serius. Ok, tak, tak serius. Aku tipu je. Mana ada konspirasi Illuminati bagai ni oi! Jangan dok berkonspirasi sangat, faham?

Setiap apa yang terjadi dalam hidup kita, ada hikmahnya, tahu? Bukan saja-saja benda tu nak jadi. Ingat, yang baik itu datangnya dari Allah dan yang buruk itu, sendiri mau ingat la dei! Ini pesanan penaja untuk diri aku sendiri. Sebab aku tengah heartbroken. Usah ditanya mengapa dan bagaimana. Cewah!

Source: Google

Hidup ni kena melangkah maju ke hadapan, bukan ke belakang. Toleh ke belakang sekali-sekala untuk ambil iktibar, belajar melalui kesilapan. Bak kata Julius Caesar, "Experience is the teacher of all things." So, hidup perlu diteruskan dengan menjadikan pengalaman sebagai cikgu. Bukan cikgu Sains ke, Matematik ke, Sejarah ke... tapi cikgu subjek 'Kehidupan'. Kat sekolah takde ajar, harap maklum.

Source: Google jugak

Aku harap, orang senyum bila baca posting kali ni. Bukan bersimpati, tetapi sebaliknya senyum sebab aku masih boleh berdiri, berjalan dan berjoging walaupun aku terjatuh. Aku masih tahu bangun sendiri tanpa perlu dipimpin. Jalan pun boleh jalan sendiri tapi aku suka sangkut tangan kat adik aku bila berjalan. Mesra gitu tau.

Saya heartbroken, saya okey. Esok tengok Khurafat nak?

in the hour of the late...

In the hour of the late
I could almost hear your whisper
I could almost feel you breath
like you've never been gone
like you're always close to me

In the hour of the late
I could almost make out your face
in the dark shadow
I could almost reach my hands to you
and feel the warmth
that emanates from your skin

In the hour of the late
I realized I was tracing memories
I was trying to grab my dreams
and I was drowned
in my own tears
as I tried to get a hold on reality

In the hour of the late
I whispered
I poured my heart out
The words of love
The words of endearment
and I prayed that you know
that I will always, always, always
miss you.

vampires suck

I don't hate Twilight, either books or the movie franchise. Really, I don't. I thought the books are readable (except for the part where I want to tear my hair out in frustration towards Bella Swan), the first movie is decent, the second movie...... well, let's move on. My point is that I don't hate Twilight. I'm just not in favor of it.

Thus why I thought Vampires Suck is funny. It's a movie spoof, mainly targeting the Twilight movies. The movie makes fun of Daybreakers, True Blood and Vampire Diaries as well. All vampire-related features. Vampires Suck is a shitty movie, yes, no doubt about it but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy it.

But I don't think vampires suck. Vampires like the Salvatore brothers (Vampire Diaries)? Man, I'd invite them into the house anytime! And if someone else play Edward apart from Rob Pattinson, well, maybe I'll play nice. Those over-moussed hair... well, let's pretend I didn't say anything, shall we? Go, Team Edward *not!*.



By the way, how's your Ramadhan shaping up?

delegating

I'm letting Twitter take over my blogging.

Okay, okay, fine. I'm lazy to update the blog. There you go. I can say anything I want at any given time on my Twitter. I think some people call it micro-blogging. Fancy. Even with 140 word limit per tweet, it's still rocks to tweet. Simple. And short.

But still, I love this blog. I'll give it more attention soon, okay? In the meantime, I just want to let you know that I'm loving my life right now. I'm loving it way too much. I feel happy and free. Anything I do, I do it on my own terms. I don't do it to please anyone. I'm done with pleasing people. And I feel... great.

I don't really care what people say about me now. I'm living MY life according to MY likings. It's all about ME now. Call me selfish or whatever but I learned my lesson. I'm happier now more than ever. What other people say and do, I won't let it affect me in any way at all. Take a good look at me now. I'm changed. You can't hurt me now.

Did I tell you I'm happier now?

maybe i'll write like twain

I'm upset. I'm upset because Argentina lose to Germany. Honestly, I expect them to lose. But 4 - 0? Man, that was beyond my expectation! Upsetting, indeed. Well... bygones. And no, I'm not rooting for Germany now.

Wait.

I think I'll grieve for a while. There goes my chance to see Maradona runs naked. Damn you, Germans!

lullaby

As I prepared for bed last night, I had this heavy feeling deep inside my heart that I could not name. I crawled up on the bed and I put my head on the pillow. And as I stare into the darkness, a song came into my head. A lullaby. In a very familiar voice...

Go to sleep now close your eyes
Try to think of tomorrow
All of us wish you good night
So I'm switching off the lights
One more hug
One more smile
Kiss you once
Kiss you twice

And without warning, tears trickled down my face. Right then and there I thought "Damn it!". My moment of weakness. I felt foolish. I really did. I'm suppose to move on. I'm suppose to forget. Right? Right? Damn those tears. Damn the lullaby.

Along with those lullaby, memories came, flooding my mind. I'm a restless sleeper. I always got up around 4 a.m and I used to look for him. I can't even remember how many times I cried on the phone talking to him as I lay my troubles and problems. Sometimes, I would just cry for no reason at all. Bygones. I'm not going to start being melancholy now. Let's move on.

don't ever regret, ummi...

Those exact words were texted to me on the day that was suppose to mean so much more to me, to both of us. It was on the 22nd of March. It was my birthday. And it was suppose to be a celebration of us being an item for 2 years. But alas, it ended that very day. And those words were the last words from him. Because he forgot my birthday. So very typical of him. <--- This statement, ladies and gentlemen, does not reflect the true situation of the whole drama.

Those words were like a threat to me. Like a taunt. Like a dare. As if he was saying "Let's see if you can live without me." Well guess what? I'm still breathing. I'm moving on strong. I have my very own life. I would love to say "Fuck you!" to his face but I'm much too classy for that. And I think a mere "Fuck you!" is not sufficient enough.

Why am I bringing this up after almost a month? Because I want to lay everything to rest. There are things you tend to let it pass by quietly and for me, this is one of those things. Life happens. Heartbreak happens. And love certainly happens. Maybe, it was not written for us to be together. Thank God for that! Entah berapa lama aku nak tahan lagi dengan dia duk menggedik-gedik dengan perempuan lain. Macamla aku taktau.

I am Ummi Farhana. And for your kind information, I do not do regrets. Well, fuck you! I can't resist. Thank you.


**And after 3 hours of sleep, I came to my senses...

The thing is, we both made mistakes. I got this feeling that our relationship is changing. I got the feeling that we're no longer heading in the same direction. And the thing is, I've lost my faith. And my confidence. Because I could feel the love slipping away. I could feel the affection drying out.

And you don't even know me anymore, do you? Be honest for once. If you know me well, you will know that I wasn't the one with that attitude. But then again, everything is too late, right? You made your own assumptions and I made my own. And we both ended up hurting each other. Before going our own ways, we were always hurting each other. Why? Was I too much to handle? Oh, I know about my ego. It is the size of China. I guess that is why we fell apart.

Maybe, I owe you an apology. Maybe, you owe me one, too. Maybe, just maybe, we're just not meant to be. And maybe, just maybe, we could bury the past to continue with the future.

25 and counting!

For those of you who are still in the dark, today is my birthday. Just so you know. And yeah, I turn 25 today. 25. Phew! Sounds like ancient but I feel young. That's more important than anything, eh?

I feel good. I feel happy. Even though a certain someone is trying to bring me down, I still feel happy. He's one single person. I've got handful of people wishing me all the best for my birthday. But you, you forgot. And you're trying to blame me for everything. Nice, very nice. You're not going to ruin my day anyway. You can buzz off.

I want to say thanks for all the wishes I received. From families to friends, it meant so much to me. So much more than you can ever imagine. I am now officially 25. Dah boleh jadi mak orang! What's next for me? Big things, I hope.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF!

removed by default

I thought now that the school holiday is finished, the kenduri kahwin will cease. Nope, it did not. Just last weekend, two of my friends got hitched. I was not invited to one and I could not make it to another one.

It really is funny, you know. The one I was not invited to, a friend SMS-ed me the night before the wedding asking if I will be going to the nikah ceremony. I was like... "WTH? I don't even know she's getting married!" Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I was that clueless. No card, no SMS, no nothing and suddenly "Are you going to X's walimah?" That was really low, man, really low. Yeah, I get it. I'm not the popular type. I don't hang out with the cliques. I totally get it. Don't have to rub it in.

Well, to say I don't mind it is a blatant lie. I do mind. I mind it even more when I saw the pictures of the kenduri plastered all over facebook. I know I should've just ignore it but it's eating me from the inside. I suppose compared to others, I was not a friend enough to be invited, eh? Okay fine. I'll deal with it in my own time. Yeah, you bet I'm bitter. I might just let it past if i did not receive that text message. After all, just how many times already that I've been excluded from every other kenduri? That's how unpopular I am.

I thought I'd write about something else but I just feel like whining and venting. And this is what I come up with. Sorry, guys.